[Dan’s Practical Philosophy] How to divide friends after break-up?
It’s fairly common for a guy and a girl in a group of friends to end up in a relationship with each other. It’s not weird. Sometimes it works out between them and sometimes she gets into masters program and leaves the country. But this is not about that guy. This is about another couple, let’s call them Jake and Mary, they broke up some time ago, the break up was mutual, no actually it wasn’t, he did something really stupid and got his ass dumped.
So, what happened, a couple of weeks ago, Pete had a house warming party, and he invited both Jake and Mary. Jake went there with the girl he’d barely started dating and Mary was there with her brand new Louis Vuitton. And It was bloody awkward. Mutual, or one sided, the thing is, no one wants to hang around their Ex after break-up. Real life is not the episodes of Friends or HIMYM and people need to understand this. And it wasn’t even a fancy housewarming party, it was super bowl Sunday, he was there for the free booze and she got there after her sixteen hour long shift at work, so it was much more awkward. And Falcon’s blew 25 points lead, so it was very frustrating as well for few. But as a Patriots fan, I was totally cool with everything.
And the worst part was that it didn’t happen accidentally. Jake and Mary avoided each other intentionally ever since the break-up. But somehow, Pete decided in his mind that it’s been a while and now it’s time for them to stop avoiding each other and become friends again. So, he lied to them and got them in the party. Result? Jake got drunk, apologized to Mary, begged her to take him back, she slapped him and stormed out of party crying, got hit by the truck on freeway. Okay, she was not hit by the truck, she walked down a couple of blocks crying and took Uber. But the slapping part did happen, Tina filmed it, but she deleted it when Jake threatened to jump from the balcony if she didn’t delete that. We got a video of him hanging from the balcony, it was fun. Go Brady!!!
But the point is, do not mess with the emotional state of the people. Let them deal with their shit on their own. Life is full of friends, opportunities, and good things. Don’t force people to make space for more. They can deal with having one less friend and so can you.
Here’re some rules to follow if your friends start dating or gets into relationship with each other.
- Take sides. Even if they’re together and have not broken up, pick your side from start. Do not be very close to both of them, either be casual with both or at least with one. If you remain confidant and close to both then it’ll great to get all the juicy gossips in the beginning, but they both going to blame you later when things fall out between them.
- If things go wrong in their relationship then do not take initiative and try to fix things for them. In most of the cases, you’ll make things worse than they actually were, so don’t even try. They’re your friend and they’ll ask your help if needed, wait for them to ask.
- If they end their relationship, then accept that things will never go back to normal. Grow up. Friendships don’t stay same for forever. Even Friends and HIMYM couldn’t keep it like that for more than ten seasons and it was television.
- Take sides, if you’ve not done that already. You don’t have to write hate messages on other’s FB, it’ll be cool if you do that, but just subconsciously decide who you’re going to stay friends with. If you kept close touch with both, you’re eventually going to do something stupid.
- If they want don’t want to see each other, help them avoid each other.
- If one person wants to rekindle things, then yank the sense into him, or her, let’s not be sexist, and help them avoid each other.
- Lastly, don’t be like Pete. Do not lie to them and force friendship between them so that you can have all gang together again. Don’t be greedy.