A child inside a maturing soul
Being vulnerable in life is courageous. It teaches us how chain of events unfold slowly, piece by piece. Life unfolds itself to us and shows its true nature at unexpected times. We are not on the safer side no matter how “correct” things seem. At such times, life is merely a synonym to misery and failure. Such are the times when we feel free to cry, to carve up the emotions on our cheeks, to taste bitterness and to walk reluctantly with your meaningful aspect of “bravery”.
Today was different. I cried. All the dullness of not being able to do anything overpowered my soul and my willpower. It’s not that I am not a human. Even animals cry. But today was something else.
It has been ages since I shed up my tears. All the emotions I had suppressed were all lost at those times of childhood when life meant “struggle” and “pain”. I was raised in the sea of my parents’ tears, the taste of which I can’t really describe in these words I am struggling to write today.
We had struggled enough to not cry because humans cry when they are vulnerable. And today was something else. I still remember those salty water from my mother’s eyes — vulnerable, fear and hopeless. I know what it feels to live life “miserably”. To live with fear. To move towards an uncertain future. To live your life with one meal a day. To go to school without any money and schooling materials.
Today, as I was leading way for my mother I felt some nostalgic sensation. A child, all afraid and vulnerable, walking in his mother’s shoe. Little hand grasping the pains of a mother. Little mind believing in a distant, yet bright, future. And a curious little life pumped up by love. Those sensations were something I tried to suppress once we got onto the track of our own life. And now, same feeling have carved up the path for tomorrow. A grown up child giving hope to his mother. And in that very moment, I have found my very own world. I shouldn’t lose hope. I should be strong enough because now I have many lives to pump up.
I guess this is life. Little bit of fear and little bit of courage. Little bit of dullness and little bit of hope. An eternity of love.