It’s been 11 days? Went by pretty fast to be honest, like everything else this year. I wrote this topic ages ago and I really can’t remember what my approach was going to be, even though I wrote down a few words to remind me.
So I try to do everything I can to feel productive/busy so at the end of the day I don’t regret anything. Sometimes I’m able to achieve everything I want and sometimes I go to bed with the feeling of incompetency.
Like everything I am doing is still not enough, that I can do way better and occasionally that I’m overestimating myself. Some people that have the same aim as me, career wise, are having trips to Jaipur while some are attending 3- hour lectures every day ,and I feel disoriented.
My true passion has and will always be psychology, taking into consideration, all my coursera courses revolve around it and the need to read all the books related to it, that I can get my hands on, but my parents have other things in their mind. I know it’s my life and that I should proceed towards what I want but for now, I don’t think I’m brave enough.
Anyway, this is also a reason I feel incompetent, that I can’t even take command of my whole life.
I feel incompetent when I think I’m not enough to be someone’s friend. That sounds like a teenage problem but to sum it up, the feeling of incompetence is harsh and it’s omnipresent.
Getting over it has been difficult to say the least. I know I have to come in terms with who I am and who I want to be rather than whom I should be.
I must not mold myself for other peoples need or expectations ,and accept who I am wholly.
My aim, like many others, is difficult to achieve and I hope that one day I reach a point when I stand up for my dreams and aspirations, when I don’t feel insecure walking down a path or when I don’t doubt my own abilities.
These are big shoes to fill and just a stepping stone in carving myself to be the best version for myself, one that brings inherent happiness and courage in every action.
Personally, this is intrinsic. Fake it till you make it I guess? We need to act bold, exert an aura of positivity and command respect. This will pave a way for betterment that you’ve never expected.
I’m out of thoughts at this point because my grandma is hell-bent on listening to people sing on TV but thank you foe giving me(this) a chance and remember to keep that head high and the smile constant.
It gets better even though you doubt it at the moment. Much love,
Nishtha b
