If only …

“Calling Home”- displayed my cellphone screen when I dialled Rahul. Even my phone knew that he was not just the man I loved but he was much more than that. He was my HOME. They say, “Home is where the heart is.” Yes, he had my heart, since the very first day I saw him. Not because he was overtly gorgeous or anything (but he is) but because of the sincerity and honesty that his eyes held. He is living proof of goodness in this world.

Rahul usually picked up my calls on its second or third ring, seeming that he would be waiting for my call only. But today was different. It was the fifteenth call that I had placed to him and he still hadn’t picked up. Typically, I would have freaked out if he didn’t pick his calls but today I was relaxed. Today was different, as I said. Today, we had fought. Like we had been fighting since the past few days now.

Rahul and I shared the kind of love where we would pick up fights at the drop of a hat but we would make up sooner. We just couldn’t stay mad at each other for long. And even today in the morning when I stormed out of the house and went to work after our fight, I felt terrible for behaving that way even before I reached office.

So immediately after settling in my seat at work, I went to the pantry to brew my coffee. I needed coffee to restore my sanity before I could call Rahul to apologise. After having done that, I dialled his number but he didn’t pick up. I didn’t call him again because I knew he would be driving. I returned to my seat with my coffee and thought I would call him sometime later.

I let an hour pass. I picked up my phone and texted him to check if he had reached. It was customary. He would drop me a text saying that he had reached office everyday. Today, he still hadn’t. I knew he wouldn’t because he was mad at me. So I did. He didn’t respond, still. I assumed he would be in a meeting or something.

Another hour and a half passed. I called him again. He didn’t answer.

He didn’t reply to my messages or return my calls. Half of my day had passed and I had placed him fourteen calls in total. Before placing anymore calls I decided to go to his workplace and apologise in person. So I did. I booked a cab from my workplace to his and revised and re-revised my apology speech on the way.

I was just fifteen minutes away from his office so I decided to call him again. To check up on him, whether he even had time to meet me when I arrived. He still didn’t answer. Finally, I reached his office, and asked the cab driver to stop the car on the opposite side of the road as I wanted to buy Rahul some flowers.

I bought a bouquet of tulips for him. Rahul loved tulips. I called him again hoping he would pick up so that I don’t have to call one of his colleagues to bring him downstairs. I was so so excited to meet Rahul again. I would hug him tightly, apologise and kiss him. After which we would have had coffee at a cafe nearby.

So, I began to cross the road. To meet my love and to apologise to him. Tell him how much I love him. Luckily, he picked up my call. He said “Hello, yeah tell me”? Each cell in my body danced to the sound of his voice. As soon as I opened my mouth to talk, a shriek cry uttered from my mouth. I had been hit by a car.

Before I knew I was five feet in the air and then I landed on the ground with a thud. I still remember being in the air for 3 seconds because Rahul’s face floated in my mind for exactly that amount of time and I murmured “I love you, I am sorry.” As soon as I landed on the ground, I didn’t remember a thing. I do remember a few flashes where I saw Rahul talk to me and say that he had forgiven me and that I would be fine. That he would never fight with me, ever again.

And yes, we never fought. Ever again.

Today, five years ago, I died in a car accident, right outside Rahul’s office. Till date he comes to my grave, with a bunch of tulips, his favourite, and thinks ‘If only he had picked up the call before that.’

Guest Post — Shared by Neha Kandwal

Originally published at Tidbits.