The hidden pain of financial exploitation in relationships

What is financial exploitation?

Financial exploitation is a form of economic abuse that restricts a victim’s financial independence and deepens their vulnerability to further abuse. It occurs when one partner misuses or controls the other’s financial resources, assets, or income, often under the guise of a loving relationship. This type of abuse can be difficult to identify and may manifest in various ways, such as controlling access to bank accounts, forcing a partner to hand over their earnings, or making financial decisions without their consent. These actions strip the victim of their financial independence, leading to severe emotional and financial distress, and trapping them in a cycle of abuse.

Controlling access to a partner’s assets and resources

Financial exploitation frequently involves one partner taking control of the other’s assets or resources, such as bank accounts, vehicles, or property. This behaviour goes beyond financial control; it prioritises the abuser’s needs over those of the rightful owner, creating a significant imbalance of power in the relationship.

Flora, an international consultant, tried to ease her guilt about being away from her family by giving her bank cards to her husband. Unfortunately, he exploited this gesture by spending the money on other women, turning Flora’s trust into a tool for his financial gain.

Beatrice purchased a car with her husband, Steve, contributing the majority of the funds. Despite this, Steve and his relatives primarily used the car. One rainy day, when Beatrice asked Steve to drive her to work, he chose to drop her at the bus stop and took his aunt to the hospital instead. This example highlights how one partner can exploit access to an asset owned or primarily funded by the other, prioritising their own needs over those of the rightful owner.

Forcing a partner to hand over their earnings, savings, or loans

One common form of financial exploitation is controlling a partner’s earnings, savings, or loans. This abuse often targets women involved in economic empowerment initiatives, particularly those in savings and loans associations. Women in these groups frequently find their husbands taking their savings or loans and even seizing their earnings from income-generating activities. Salaried women are not immune, as husbands may spend their earnings on alcohol or other women, severely limiting their financial independence.

Esther, the chairperson of a women’s group, participated in a government-initiated financial inclusion project. She borrowed the equivalent of USD 1,000 but, lacking a bank account, she hid the money at home. Her husband discovered it and began spending it on alcohol without her knowledge. By the time Esther needed to pay for chicks for her poultry business, most of the money was gone. When she confronted her husband, he beat her and took the rest of the money. He left home and returned a week later, having spent it all. Esther had to borrow from relatives and friends to repay the loan.

Debt accumulation without consent

Running up debts in a partner’s name without their consent is a particularly harmful form of financial exploitation. This behaviour can destroy the victim’s credit rating and leave them with significant financial burdens.

Alice and John bought land from Alice’s aunt. When it was time to transfer the title, John wanted to put it in his name alone. Alice discovered this and managed to ensure the property was registered in both their names. This incident made Alice realise that John could potentially use the property to secure a bank loan without her knowledge or consent, putting her financial security at risk.

Mortgaging or selling property without consent

Another extreme form of financial exploitation is mortgaging or selling a partner’s property without their consent. This action can lead to severe financial consequences for the victim, including the loss of assets and financial stability.

Victoria shared how her colleague, Maria, faced financial exploitation. Maria’s husband used her money, intended to buy equipment for their business, to purchase a house for his first wife instead. Later, Maria discovered that her husband had mortgaged this property without informing his first wife. He even tried to manipulate Maria into giving him the title to her own property. The situation came to light when her husband took a photo in front of the house, possibly to deceive someone else out of their money.

Another disturbing example involves a husband who mortgaged his wife’s property to fund a lavish destination wedding for another woman. The wife, unaware of the mortgage, discovered this betrayal when she received notices from the bank. Her husband’s actions not only jeopardised her financial stability but also caused immense emotional pain.

Forcing a partner to cater for all family provisions

Women often face financial manipulation due to power imbalances, while men may suffer financial abuse due to societal expectations and gender roles.

Many women, despite being the primary earners, lack control over their own earnings. Husbands may refuse to cover family needs, healthcare, and school fees, compelling women to either spend their salaries or borrow money. This manipulation undermines women’s financial independence and perpetuates power imbalances in relationships.

Men also experience financial abuse, often stemming from societal pressures to be the primary earners. Even when their partners earn more, men are expected to cover groceries, school fees, rent, and insurance. This expectation can cause financial strain and emotional stress.

Partner A gives Partner B money for shopping, but Partner B buys low-quality items. When Partner A provides money for tuition or wages, Partner B consistently pays less, forcing Partner A to cover the shortfall. This also occurred during house construction, with Partner B purchasing substandard materials, resulting in additional costs for Partner A.

Agnes earned significantly more than her husband but refused to spend any money on the family. One day, her children came home from school hungry, with nothing in the pantry. When they asked Agnes for food, she told them to wait for their father to buy it.

After paying the house rent, a wife lacked funds to take their sick child to the hospital. The husband walked away, leaving the wife to borrow money. The husband returned drunk in the early hours. This situation repeated when the wife went into labour; the husband left her to manage alone. She reached the hospital and had a safe delivery, but the husband refused to pay the medical bill.

Fred described how all the men his mother had been with relied on her financially. They moved into her home, drove her car or a car she had bought, wore clothes she purchased, and received an allowance from her. These men were abusive and controlling, and the relationships were consistently short-lived.

The growing phenomenon of young men avoiding work

A troubling trend is emerging where young men are reluctant to work, sometimes blaming women’s economic empowerment. They argue that if women seek equality, they should assume the role of breadwinner. This has led to situations where women end up covering all expenses, including wedding costs. Corporate preferences for hiring women and increased opportunities for women contribute to this issue. Some young men, even if employed, spend their earnings on outings, alcohol, or other women.

David moved in with Nancy, a financially independent woman. David neither contributed to housework nor supported the household financially. He frequently entertained friends and received money from his godfather. He used her car for outings without refuelling it. One night, he locked her in the house while he went clubbing, returning at 8 am, which caused her to be late for work. This relationship was clearly one of convenience, with no contribution from his side.

Young men often feel pressured to spend money they do not have to maintain appearances. They may take on loans or borrow from friends to fund a lifestyle they cannot afford, buying expensive clothes, gadgets, and drinks to fit in. This behaviour not only leads to financial instability but also creates a cycle of debt and stress, further complicating their lives and relationships.

Control over a partner’s labour and agricultural produce

In rural areas, financial exploitation often involves controlling a partner’s labour or agricultural produce. This control denies the victim access to the income generated from their hard work.

Anne, a member of a women’s group that received heifers, dedicated herself to taking care of her animal. She planted pasture, harvested it, and handled all the care tasks. However, when the heifer began producing milk, her husband Jimmy took control of the marketing and spent most of the money on himself. This exploitation deprived Anne of the rewards of her labour.

Excluding a partner from financial decision-making

Refusing a partner the right to participate in household financial decisions is a common tactic in financial exploitation. This exclusion reinforces the abuser’s control over the victim and their financial resources.

A woman was excluded from all financial decisions in her marriage, despite contributing to the household income. Her husband made all the choices regarding their investments, savings, and spending, without consulting her. This exclusion left her feeling powerless and further entrenched her dependency on him.

Barbara, a financially independent woman, takes charge of household decisions, including hiring professionals for repairs and maintenance. She handles everything, from calling a plumber to fix a persistent leak to arranging for a carpenter to repair a broken cabinet or hiring a security firm to enhance home safety. Confident in her choices, she schedules the work and pays for it herself. However, her husband consistently undermines her efforts. Without her knowledge, he sends the workers away when they arrive, leaving them confused and prompting them to call her, explaining that they were dismissed at the door. At other times, he interferes with their work, questions their expertise, or even verbally abuses them, creating a hostile environment.

Addressing financial manipulation

Financial manipulation, a subtle yet destructive form of abuse, is prevalent in relationships where power imbalances exist. Recognising the signs is the first step towards addressing and preventing further harm. Below are key points to consider:

1. Be aware of behaviours that limit your financial independence, such as controlling access to bank accounts, demanding your earnings, or making significant financial decisions without your consent.
2. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or professional organisations that specialise in domestic abuse. Support networks can provide guidance and resources to help you regain control.
3. Keep a detailed record of all instances of financial manipulation. This documentation can be crucial if you need to take legal action or seek external help.
4. Increase your financial literacy to better understand your rights and options. Knowledge empowers you to make informed decisions and protect your assets.
5. Clearly communicate your financial boundaries to your partner. Insist on mutual respect and transparency in all financial matters.
6. If you have a joint account with your partner, ensure that you both have equal access and that no one is making unilateral decisions that could harm the other’s financial security.
7. If necessary, consult a lawyer to understand your rights and explore legal avenues to protect yourself from financial exploitation

Concluding reflections at NITE TANZARN IntellectNest

Financial exploitation in relationships is a silent yet profound form of abuse that strips victims of their autonomy and security. By recognising the signs and taking proactive steps, individuals can protect themselves and their assets. Empowering oneself with knowledge, seeking support, and establishing clear boundaries are crucial in preventing and addressing financial manipulation. At NITE TANZARN IntellectNest, we are committed to raising awareness and providing resources to combat this form of abuse. No one should feel powerless in their own financial life.