The Danger of Familiarity: Understanding Why We Take People for Granted
Taking people for granted is a common issue that can occur in any type of relationship, whether it’s with a romantic partner, a family member, a friend, or a coworker. When we take someone for granted, we assume that they will always be there for us, that they will always put up with our behaviour, and that they will always forgive us. This type of behaviour can be damaging to the relationship and can lead to a lack of appreciation and respect.
We will look at the psychological and social factors that contribute to this behaviour, as well as the impact of technology on our relationships. We will also provide some tips on how to avoid taking people for granted and how to build healthier relationships.
Psychological Factors
One of the main reasons why people take each other for granted is due to the psychological phenomenon of familiarity breeds contempt. This means that the more familiar we are with someone, the more likely we are to take them for granted and to show them less appreciation and respect.
According to a study conducted by the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, people tend to value and appreciate things that are scarce or that they have to work for. This means that when we have constant access to something, we are less likely to value it and more likely to take it for granted.
Another psychological factor that can contribute to taking people for granted is the self-serving bias. This bias refers to the tendency to view ourselves in a positive light and to attribute our successes to our own abilities while attributing our failures to external factors. This bias can lead us to believe that we are more important or more deserving than others, which can make it easier to take them for granted.
Social Factors
Social factors can also contribute to taking people for granted. In some cultures, it is more common to show appreciation and gratitude, while in others, it may be seen as unnecessary or even inappropriate. Additionally, social norms can dictate certain behaviours in relationships, such as gender roles or expectations of reciprocity.
Another social factor that can contribute to taking people for granted is the level of power in the relationship. When one person has more power than the other, they may feel entitled to take the other person for granted or to use them for their own benefit.
Impact of Technology
The impact of technology on our relationships is another factor that can contribute to taking people for granted. While technology has made it easier to stay connected with others, it has also made it easier to take each other for granted.
For example, social media platforms can create a false sense of connection and intimacy, which can lead to a lack of effort in maintaining the relationship. We may assume that the other person is always there, always connected, and always available, which can lead to a lack of appreciation and effort.
Additionally, the constant distractions and notifications from our phones and other devices can make it difficult to be present and attentive in our relationships. We may be physically present with someone but mentally distracted by our technology, which can make it easier to take them for granted.
How to Avoid Taking People for Granted
Avoiding taking people for granted requires effort and mindfulness. Here are some tips to help you avoid this trap and build healthier relationships:
- Express gratitude and appreciation regularly
Make an effort to express gratitude and appreciation to the people in your life. This can be as simple as saying thank you, or as elaborate as writing a heartfelt letter. - Practice empathy
Try to see things from the other person’s perspective and understand their needs and desires. - Avoid making assumptions
Don’t assume that the other person will always be there for you or that they will always forgive you. Show them that you value and respect them. - Be present and attentive
Make an effort to be present and attentive in your relationships. Put away your technology and focus on the person in front of you. - Communicate openly and honestly
Talk to the other person about your needs, desires, and expectations. Listen to their needs and concerns and work together to find solutions. - Make an effort
Relationships take effort and work. Make an effort to show the other person that you value and appreciate them, and that you are willing to work on the relationship.
Taking people for granted is a common issue that can occur in any type of relationship. It can be damaging to the relationship and lead to a lack of appreciation and respect. Psychological factors such as familiarity breeds contempt and self-serving bias, social factors such as cultural norms and power dynamics, and the impact of technology on our relationships can all contribute to this behaviour.
Avoiding taking people for granted requires effort and mindfulness. It involves expressing gratitude and appreciation, practising empathy, avoiding assumptions, being present and attentive, communicating openly and honestly, and making an effort to show the other person that you value and appreciate them.
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