Nix
Nix
Aug 9, 2017 · 2 min read

I have phantom, romantic love. It is saved for my poetry. It is a longing that I will forever reach for, with words, metaphor and imagery. It is the poet and the dreamer, it is the love I give to myself.

“Put their needs first.” Yeah, this is probably why partnered love has not worked for me. I am not willing to put anyone’s needs before my own needs and my son’s needs. I don’t have time for that in a dating, shared living kind of space. If my ship goes down, my life goes down. I value my independent living, my core morals, and well being. I like to do things for myself.

I think that love should be “free to roam”. I think that folks should remain autonomous, live their life. I enjoy watching from the sidelines when I have the time to do so, be their cheerleader, be there should they ask for my help, be there to offer insight should they want it.

There has been “rules” applied to what makes the perfect partner or what constitutes true love. I have used the term “Hallmark Love” for this kind of illusion. Truth is, we are born alone and we die alone, and it is our responsibility to make our own path peaceful. Nobody can do that for us, for it comes from within. Folks can hand us the flashlight when we pursue our dark tunnels of life, yet we need to walk through those dark places and make it onto the other side.

I believe in my self preservation. Doing things the way I want to do them. Listen for perspective, and see if it makes sense to me. I don’t have all the answers, yet I do come up with the right questions to ask. I am curious about how others may handle a situation that a may be faced with.

“I always return back to self. Those illusions look beautiful out there. Yet, I leave here alone with one truth. I have no other truth to spare.” — Nix (me)

So many illusions of how things should be, how love should be, how partnerships should be, yet in the end of it all, just simply be who you are. Be who you are and the perfect kind of love falls into its simple places. Love that is pure does not need a definition. Love is love when it is free to roam. My love is free to roam. The only thing I have to offer other people is my truth.

Romantic love, like I said for myself, only lives in my poetry. It is a reach that I never want to catch.

    Nix

    Written by

    Nix

    Single-mama, warrior, lover of life, poet