#1

So tomorrow is 2016. The thing is, I’m not ready. My shield is not properly prepared and I’m too exhausted to go through it with bare hands, but I have to, anyway. Life does not stop for anybody. But above all, it’s crazy. The more foward things are going, the stronger my desire to go back, hypothetically. To go back where? Well, pasts. Pasts — when things were easy, when things were in place, untouched, shimmering in some kind of glows, everything was new and fun. In other words, when we were occupied with joys. When we thought the ties between us was the strongest of all connections in the world. Because we felt each other. It just flowed into us, some sparks of despair or happiness. But we did not mind because of our ties. We comforted each other. But it ended as we grew up. Why? What went wrong? It is almost everynight that I howl to the moon, asking again and again. Why does somebody always have to leave, eventually? My circle is so much smaller than it was, and it is suffocating me. We ask who is at fault? One says silence is an answer too, but this one is not. It is just not. Both jarring sounds or dead silence are not an answer. We are left in wonders, poorly. Till this day, through the thin air, you face comes into a vision and it feels so real. Is it better that you left us? How does it feel like? Because i feel like all that atoms that made up me into who i am, is wrecked. One by one floating fast in the air but i can’t catch up. I don’t even know how to reach out, to pick it up. I am hollow now. But at same time, I feel sorry. For me, for you, for us. I feel sorry that I’m not the best for you, though I feel like I have done much for you. Though I feel like I have set myself on fire just to give you the light. But it’s not your fault that you are blindfolded. You are just too innocent to notice. But at least — at least, couldn’t you feel the warmth, the heat that i supplied when you were cold, when sometimes the world was a shitty place for you? Because, goddamnit, don’t be so inhuman.

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