The Epiphany
…sort of
I woke up before my alarm rang this morning. That happens to be a rare occurrence, seeing as waking up before 5am is not my forte. Anyway, I woke up around 4:31am, thinking about work, swallowing spit after spit to quell the very insistent and painful sore-throat, thinking that maybe today I’ll finally meet someone I like, or maybe one of my friends will finally introduce me to that “hottie” I’ve been stalking on Instagram for a while. Amidst all that, I had an epiphany.
Life is just really pointless, isn’t it? Like, it’s just a shitty big bowl of nothing. We just come here, live, and die. How in the world are we any different from vermins lying around our houses? I know people go on and on about how they want their names to be remembered long after they’re dead, but, what the fuck is the point? You’re fucking dead! There’s no way the shitty street/building you’re named after benefits you. You’re fucked. You’re dead.
Saw a bus conductor on my way home from work, dressed in their usual rags, laughing like he were the happiest man on earth.
First thing that came to my mind was how miserable he must be. How being “just” a bus conductor must suck Chinese balls. How it must be difficult living hand to mouth, drinking alcohol early in the mornings, and smoking weed all day.
Then, I had a rethink. I must be really stupid. Here I am, a 21 year old intern, earning a N25,000 stipend (even if it’s for doing what I actually want), stuck in a 2 hour traffic in a crappy bus on my way home, closeted (well, not really) homosexual, sad as fuck.Who am I to say being a bus conductor sucks, when he’s having a hearty laugh I haven’t had in months. If we had both died right that instant, he’d probably have had more joyous moments than I have. Whose life sucks then?
Being a gay Nigerian sucks like crazy. You have to hide your head to avoid being beaten by an awfully close-minded mob. To avoid being discriminated against in school by people who do not have any input in your life. fuck!
Don’t you think that it’s funny how people talk
I kinda have it easy though. I’m out to my closest friends (I’m very introverted so I do not even have a lot of friends). I’m out — implied— to my siblings, so I can do whatever it is I want (but my father must not find out, though). I’ve even gotten to the point where I do not give half a flying fuck whoever finds out.
Life can be fun when we let it. Those moments we’re with the ones we love. Those moments we forget we’re being watched. Our first kiss. Our first time (LOOOOL— Mine wasn’t fun oo, damn!). When the Instagram crush happens to have an Instagram crush on you (although, this happens only in my dream). When we’ve smoked so much weed, and the sister is being a complete clown. Those extraordinary moments, when we just forget ourselves, and be whatever we want.
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