The 5 Books That Changed the Direction of My Life
The “When” was Just as Important as the “Why”
Henry Miller said it best:
“A book lying idle on a shelf is wasted ammunition. Like money, books must be kept in constant circulation… A book is not only a friend, it makes friends for you. When you have possessed a book with mind and spirit, you are enriched. But when you pass it on you are enriched threefold.”― Henry Miller
I’m taking his advice and sharing (digitally) the books that caused a paradigm shift in my life because they reframed how I saw the world.
They cleared my vision so I could see better what was already there.
But as you’ll see, each of these books had an impact not just because of what they say but when they came into my life.
So I can’t guarantee they’ll have the same impact on you but maybe — juuuuust maybe — they will:) And that’s worth a few bucks and a little time.
“Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” by Richard Carlson
I was not a good kid.
Well, not for a few years anyway.
I hit puberty at 9 and reached my full height at 12.
Between those years, I was raging with hormones within and I was picked on from without by other students and teachers.
No one understood what I was going through and I didn’t make it any easier for them to do so because my anger and meanness would drive them away.
I just wanted life to be fair. I wanted people to listen to me. Most of all, I think I wanted respect.
It was around age 11 that my dad gave me a book called Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff and It’s All Small Stuff: Simple Ways to Keep the Little Things from Taking Over Your Life by Richard Carlson after I put down my sister (sorry Kristina!).
This book addressed a lot of the issues I had by reframing what I was going through — namely in the areas of…
Being Right vs Being Kind
“Choose to be kind over being right and you’ll be right every time.”― Richard Carlson
Fairness
“One of the mistakes many of us make is that we feel sorry for ourselves, or for others, thinking that life should be fair, or that someday it will be. It’s not and it won’t. When we make this mistake we tend to spend a lot of time wallowing and/or complaining about what’s wrong with life. “It’s not fair,” we complain, not realizing that, perhaps, it was never intended to be.”― Richard Carlson
and…
What I Choose to Let Into My Mind
“The key to a good life is this: If you’re not going to talk about something during the last hour of your life, then don’t make it a top priority during your lifetime.”― Richard Carlson
“Meditations” by Marcus Aurelius
I discovered this book on my cousin’s shelf when I was 19, I started to read it and couldn’t stop. So I “borrowed” it. I never gave it back so technically I stole it (sorry Anna!).
I was entering college, meeting new people, trying to make new friends and facing adult choices. I was freaked out!
Meditations came along at just the perfect time because it helped me reframe, cope and become mentally stronger.
Turns out it’s also one of the most timeless books on wisdom and how to live that has ever been written. It was like discovering treasure.
The quotes are too numerous to even choose the most influential ones for me. And I’m sure when I read it, it had a different meaning for me. But here are a few.
On Focusing Only On What You Can Control
“You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”― Marcus Aurelius
On Perspective
“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.”― Marcus Aurelius
On The gift of Being Alive
“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive — to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.”― Marcus Aurelius
On Judgement
“Whenever you are about to find fault with someone, ask yourself the following question: What fault of mine most nearly resembles the one I am about to criticize?”― Marcus Aurelius
“The 4-Hour Workweek” by Tim Ferriss
I never had a real job — I mean the kind with benefits and vacation time and stuff — until I was 26.
Prior to that, I had been a whitewater rafting guide in New Zealand, a cattle rancher and carnie in the Australian Outback and working at a nursing home owned by my ex-girlfriend’s dad.
But then I moved to New York City where I got a job in the World Trade Center of all places. I made great friends, had an awesome girlfriend and a 360-view of the entire city.
Aaaaaand I hated it…
I had become what I told myself I would never be: boring.
Too much comfort, too much predictability, no inspiration.
I needed to find a way to make a living, but I had no applicable skills (or so I thought) and no idea how to start a business.
Then along came The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9–5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich by Tim Ferriss.
While the name is incredibly gimmicky (intentionally so), don’t let that stop you from reading it. Ferriss is one of the hardest workers I’ve ever read about.
His purpose with the book was to release his readers from the bonds of conventional thinking and “wisdom”.
This book was the answer I was looking for, validating that I did not have to live a “normal” life if I didn’t want to.
Here is some wisdom from the 4HWW.
On Uncertainty
“People will choose unhappiness over uncertainty.”― Timothy Ferriss
On Fear
“I’ll repeat something you might consider tattooing on your forehead: What we fear doing most is usually what we most need to do.”― Timothy Ferriss
On Insecurity
“If you are insecure, guess what? The rest of the world is, too. Do not overestimate the competition and underestimate yourself. You are better than you think.”― Timothy Ferriss
On Goals
“The question you should be asking isn’t, “What do I want?” or “What are my goals?” but “What would excite me?”― Timothy Ferriss
On Time
“To enjoy life, you don’t need fancy nonsense, but you do need to control your time and realize that most things just aren’t as serious as you make them out to be.”― Timothy Ferriss
“Psycho Cybernetics” by Maxwell Maltz
Until I was around 30, I tried to fill my life up with things that would give me personal validation.
I gave time to people who didn’t add to my life. I was moving around a lot thinking each new place would somehow make me happier. I would read book after for the secret that would make me feel comfortable in who I was.
Then I picked up a copy of Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz, a plastic surgeon of all things.
What was profound for me was the same thing that surprised him — no matter how he helped a person look, if they didn’t feel confident, attractive or worthy inside, the surgery would have no effect on their self-image.
The lesson was simple for me: I had to work on my self-worth, not try to make myself seem worthy to other people.
On Crises
“Close scrutiny will show that most “crisis situations” are opportunities to either advance, or stay where you are.”― Maxwell Maltz
On Justice
“If you intend to insist on justice in order to live a successful and happy life, you will not do so in this lifetime, on this planet.”― Maxwell Maltz
On Conditional Happiness
“If you are to be happy at all, you must be happy — period! Not happy ‘because of.’”― Maxwell Maltz
On Aging
“In expecting to grow “old” at a given age we may unconsciously set up a negative goal image for our Creative Mechanism to accomplish.”― Maxwell Maltz
“The Flinch” by Julien Smith
You can download The Flinch pdf free by clicking HERE.
As I got into my 30s, I started to lose the desire for external validation, I became more comfortable in my own skin, and I started working on advancing in the few things that really excited me where in my 20s I was just trying everything to see what I liked.
But sitting down and becoming better a something brought with it seeds of fear. Where in my 20s, I could say I wasn’t great at anything because I wasn’t committed, now I was committing which meant I had to advance.
Again, I found myself worried about what others might think. It was paralyzing.
Then somehow I was tuned into the blog of Julien Smith, a French-Canadian entrepreneur and New York Times bestselling author of The Flinch and Trust Agents.
It was The Flinch that opened my eyes into how to recognize that most of what I feared would not kill me and therefore was not to be feared.
The Flinch has since become the book I’ve gifted most people.
On The Flinch
“The flinch is your real opponent, and information won’t help you fight it. It’s behind every unhappy marriage, every hidden vice, and every unfulfilled life. Behind the flinch is pain avoidance, and dealing with pain demands strength you may not think you have.”― Julien Smith
On Setting an Example
“The secret to overcoming the flinch is that everyone wants you to succeed. People are looking for proof that you can be amazing so that they can be amazing, too.”― Julien Smith
On Loneliness & Leadership
“So if you see no one like you, no one who agrees, don’t worry. There are actually hundreds of people like you, and they’re waiting for a leader. That person is you.”― Julien Smith
Total Price — Less than $100
For less than $100, my life has dramatically shifted multiple times.
If it can happen once, it can happen five times and it will happen again.
Remember those things that changed your life and pass them on.
You never know how they could launch someone else into a reality they never thought possible.
— — — — — — — —
This article is Day 14 of the 30-Day Fishbowl Series
You can start the series by clicking HERE.
