A Key to Alleviating Your Negative Emotions
I live in Los Angeles.
I love it here.
The weather, the beach, the different cultures, the food, that all-pervading energy you feel when surrounded by people going after unreasonable dreams.
But sometimes it sucks.
For example, the traffic. The distance from my family. The smog, filthy streets, the noise. And to live here costs a lot of $$$.
Sometimes, I allow these things to give me anxiety or to piss me off.
And like a parent who puts her child in a corner to calm down, I’ll sit in that feeling and let it stew for a while until I realize it’s not helping and I’m ready to be reasonable again.
I have become decent (not perfect) at relieving my feelings of anger and anxiety by asking myself…
What was I expecting?
Expectations. Expectations. Expectations.
I choose to live in LA.
I could leave any time I want.
So why don’t I?
Because I like it here and I don’t want to live anywhere else right now.
Okay, well is LA perfect? No.
It has traffic and smog and it’s expensive.
That’s all included in the package.
If I choose this package, I should be expecting these things.
So why would I be surprised or upset when I get exactly what I asked for?
But what if I didn’t ask for it?
“Is a world without pain possible? Then don’t ask the impossible.” — Marcus Aurelius
Not all unfortunate events or sucky people are the result of choices we’ve made.
Many — perhaps most — are just thrown at us out of the blue.
The coronavirus, losing our job, our partner breaking up with us, getting a bad carton of milk.
“What about these? I didn’t ask for these things.”
No, not directly you didn’t. But if you’re choosing to wake up and exist in this world, then (and you know what I’m going to say) you should EXPECT them.
Are pandemics a possibility on Planet Earth? Have they happened before in history? Did anyone tell us that a pandemic will never happen again?
No.
Then why are we surprised that it is happening?
Your partner breaks up with you? If it was possible for them to fall in love with you, then it’s possible for them to fall out of love.
You shouldn’t expect them to break up with you (unless you’re trying for that), but you should expect that this is a possibility.
Expect Your Emotions as You Expect Situations
You’re not a robot.
You’re an emotion-producing machine and just like you can expect unfortunate situations, you can expect that you will have emotions. Don’t judge yourself.
It’s not your choice to have them, but it is your choice to decide how they will affect you.
So when you next find yourself upset by something you could have predicted, sit in it as long as you want.
Once you’ve let your emotions subside, then consider how odd it was for you to even think you could avoid the situation or person in the first place.
The situation is just being the situation.
That person is just being that person.
Your emotions are just being your emotions.
A world without these pains (and pains in the ass) is impossible. They must happen. So expect them.
But take heart. If life comes with all the things you don’t like, then you can expect that it will also bring the parts that you enjoy.
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This article is Day 5 of the 30-Day Fishbowl Series
You can start the series by clicking HERE.
