Be Grateful for Assholes
Why They’re Necessary for Your Happiness
Should you like assholes?
Psh, no!
What’s the matter with you?
Are you crazy?
Or just masochistic?
That would be just plain silly.
Assholes suck.
When you encounter one, remove yourself.
You’re not going to change an asshole.
But should you appreciate their existence?
Actually…
…yeah.
That is, if you want to know the true value of the people who enrich your life.
After all…
Without Assholes, How Would You Know Non-Assholes?
I’m sorry to say this, but value is comparative.
Whether we’re talking objects, places, scenarios or people, this is the truth.
No matter how you want to coat the affection you have for your partner in romance and love, those feelings first arose because you recognized the alternative.
You might say, she “stood out”. Well, where did she stand out from? From “the crowd.”
Perhaps you dated a string of douchebags, but now you’re going to put a stop to it. That’s a comparison.
Even if you’re emotionally bonded to a person through biology or commitment, you don’t truly realize just how important they are to you until you’re apart (being apart is the situational equivalent of an asshole).
The same is true for giving a hug, going to the bar, joking with your coworkers —none of us knew just what these meant to us until that COVID-19 piece of shit burst through the door and ruined the party.
If You Want the Best, You Must Accept the Worst
There is no winning the war on insufferable people.
You should do your best to cut them out of your life, but you’ll never rid the world of them. (I mean if we’re honest with ourselves we’ve all been assholes, so we should be grateful this is true;))
But not only should you accept that you’ll encounter people you don’t like, you should actually be grateful for them.
Why?
Because they make us recognize their opposite i.e. the people we enjoy.
The opposite.
Implying that there has to be an equally opposing side.
What is the opposite of “mean?”
“Nice.”
And the opposite of “boring?”
“Exciting.”
Opposite of “horrible?”
“Wonderful!” “Exquisite!” “Awesome!”
Now, what is the opposite of “lukewarm”?
Ummmm….?
The Yin and the Yang of It All
The person most influential to me in this concept is Alan Watts, who said:
“If therefore, we forget, you see, that black and white are inseparable, and that existence is constituted equivalently by being and non-being, then we get scared, and we have to play a game called, ‘Oh-oh, Black Might Win.’ And once we get into the fear that Black, the negative side, might win, we are compelled to play the game, ‘But White Must Win.’ And from that start all our troubles.”
Don’t suffer fools. Oppose them or leave them.
But at the same time, don’t wish there were no fools in the world at all.
That’s a denial of reality and a failure to recognize the positive influence they have on your life.
People who are “just the worst”, make you happier for people who are “just the best.”
So the next time you get to see someone you enjoy, pay them a compliment.
Tell them, “Hey, thanks for not being an asshole.”***
***Actually, that doesn’t sound that great when I say it out loud so maybe just think it. Or even better, share this post with them so they understand how nice that compliment is:)
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This article is Day 4 of the 30-Day Fishbowl Series
You can start the series by clicking HERE.
