How to Draw Power From Your Pain
I write a lot about pain.
Why? For a few reasons, one of which is the more skilled you become at dealing with pain, the better your life will be.
You will be bolder, wiser, less anxious, less prone to anger or bitterness or depression, you’ll see more silver linings and be more open to the lessons pain can teach you.
See, pain comes from wishing things were different — it’s a denial of reality.
So how do you deal with pain?
One way is with strength.
As Bruce Lee said:
“Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one” — Bruce Lee
But pain can be crushing. It can be more than you can handle. And strength is not sustainable.
Therefore, I would actually argue that there is an even better way to deal with pain than to simply be strong — and as a martial artist, I think Mr. Lee would agree.
A main tenant of many combat arts is not to resist your opponent, but rather to use their momentum against themselves.
And by using that momentum, you can actually draw even more power in deflecting or throwing your opponent.
Notice again, you not only throw your opponent, you draw power from them.
So how do you use this judo when facing pain?
You Draw Power from Pain by Being “Grateful”
This doesn’t mean being grateful for what caused the pain.
It doesn’t mean being grateful for the feeling of pain.
No one is grateful for tragedy or loss or physical ailments or daily annoyances.
Being grateful for random things like a sunny day or the clothes on your back is not always the most effective method either.
No, rather…
One draws power from pain by being grateful for things that are closely related to the pain itself.
Death
On July 1st, 2008, my best friend, Matt, and I bought one way tickets to New Zealand where we would be going on an adventure for a year.
Three days later, on July 4th, Matt was hit by a drunk driver while crossing a country road.
If you’ve experienced tragedy, you know the feeling of loss is indescribable.
But what helped me deal with the pain was when I asked myself if I would rather have not known Matt at all or if it would be better if he had never even existed.
Of course, the answer is No.
I was grateful I knew him. And I was even more grateful that we had such a close bond that his death would cause me to be in so much pain.
This feeling gave me power. My memories of him were more colorful. I started to see how I had taken on some of his personality traits. And I took fewer relationships for granted.
I wish he was still here. But that’s not reality and it serves no one. But I can draw power by being grateful I had the pleasure of knowing him at all.
Physical Pain
On February 8th, 2010, I was run over by a boat in the Philippines whilst looking for whale sharks.
The propeller sliced through me six times. It took 4 1/2 hours to get me to a hospital and by that time I had lost a significant amount of blood.
It was the closest I’ve ever been to dying and certainly the most damage my body had ever sustained.
I was in the hospital for 8 days and it took a further two months for the wounds to fully close.
So what did I have to be grateful for in this situation?
Yes, I was grateful to be alive. But life wasn’t very enjoyable at that time.
What gave me the most power was being grateful that I even had a body to be injured at all. I had legs and those legs had feeling. I wasn’t a paraplegic, an amputee or anything of the sort.
When I go running these days and I reach a point of pain, I try to remember to be grateful that I have legs to carry me and how much someone without the use of their legs would be grateful to be in my position.
Annoying People and Situations
If I get annoyed in traffic, I remember to be grateful to have a car and healthy eyes that allow me to drive.
If I have to deal with an annoying person, I remember to be grateful that I’m not married or related to them.
When I start wishing this COVID thing was over, I remember to be grateful for all the old connections I’ve rekindled during this time and for the lessons I’ve learned about not taking everyday things for granted.
More Thoughts On Gratefulness & Pain
Epicurus on “Lack”
“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.” — Epicurus
Seneca on “Jealousy”
“It’s in keeping with Nature to show our friends affection and to celebrate their advancement, as if it were our very own. For if we don’t do this, virtue, which is strengthened only by exercising our perceptions, will no longer endure in us.”— Seneca
Marcus Aurelius on “Change”
“The whole universe is change and life itself is but what you deem it — either gratefully better than or bitterly worse than something else that you alone choose.”— Marcus Aurelius
Epictetus on “Fairness and Envy”
“Remember to conduct yourself in life as if at a banquet. As something being passed around comes to you, reach out your hand and take a moderate helping. Does it pass you by? Don’t stop it. It hasn’t yet come? Don’t burn in desire for it, but wait until it arrives in front of you. Act this way with children, a spouse, toward position, with wealth — one day it will make you worthy of a banquet with the gods.”— Epictetus
Ralph Waldo Emerson on “Sorrow”
“What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered.[What is a sorrow? A feeling whose benefits have not yet been discovered]”— Ralph Waldo Emerson
Josh Waitzkin on “External Conditions”
“One of the biggest mistakes that I observed in the first year of [my son] Jack’s life was parents who have unproductive language around weather being good or bad. Whenever it was raining, you’d hear moms, babysitters, dads say, ‘It’s bad weather. We can’t go out’ or if it wasn’t, ‘It’s good weather. We can go out.’ That means that somehow, we’re externally reliant on conditions being perfect in order to be able to go out and have a good time. So, Jack and I never missed a single storm, rain or snow, to go out and romp in it. Maybe we missed one when he was sick. We’ve developed this language around how beautiful it is. Now, whenever it’s a rainy day, Jack says, ‘Look, Dada, it’s such a beautiful rainy day,’ and we go out and we play in it. I wanted him to have this internal locus of control — to not be reliant on external conditions being just so.” — Josh Waitzkin
Final Thoughts
Whether you bring on the pain by going outside your comfort zone, or whether it is bestowed upon you by the circumstances of life, pain is inevitable.
And if you’re not sure how to cope with it, I hope this article can help.
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This article is Day 10 of the 30-Day Fishbowl Series
You can start the series by clicking HERE.
