Speak to Yourself as a Friend
How to Get Out of Negative Self-Talk
If we spoke to our friends and family like we speak to ourselves, we would have no friends and our invitations to Thanksgiving would be rescinded.
Negative self-talk rarely has any positive outcomes. Labeling ourselves, guilt and shame, being overly self-deprecating — they all serve no purpose because they are oriented to the now, not to the future.
Negative Self-Talk is Untrue
When you speak to yourself negatively, you’re coloring your thought with labels, emotions and expectations that are untrue.
You label yourself by saying “I’m lazy” or “I’m stupid” or “I’m hopeless.”
You soil image of yourself with anger, disappointment and contempt.
You say “I should have done this” or “It was supposed to end up like that.”
Friends don’t do that because friends see things more objectively.
They’ll remind you of the times where you worked really hard and achieved something. A friend sees you in a beautiful light because you make them happy. They don’t expect anything from you other than to just be a friend and even if you’re not doing that well, they’ll likely forgive you.
Be Solutions-Oriented
When we speak with a friend who is asking for support or guidance, our brains are activated, the synapses start firing and we start thinking of solutions.
But when we speak to ourselves negatively (which is almost all the time for a lot of us), we’re no longer thinking of solutions, we’re thinking of excuses and reasons why we can’t do something or be someone.
Where Friends See Your Future, You See Finality
Negative self-talk is not only rarely if ever true, but it comes from a place of finality. When you think, “I’m a terrible person”, you’re implying that it’s a personality trait and therefore you’ll always be a terrible person. That’s it. done. Your story is over.
That’s of course not true. Humans change whether they want to or not. Nothing is final. This certainly doesn’t mean we’re guaranteed to change for the better, but it means we can change for the better. This is the part that friends see: the future you.
Stop It!
It serves no one — especially you — to speak negatively to yourself.
Yes, you’ve done things you regret.
Yes, you’ve been an asshole.
You’ve been a coward, a lazy bastard, too judgmental, you’ve ruined situations, you’ve embarrassed yourself or your family.
Well, welcome to what it’s like to be human!
Get over yourself.
You are not your past. You are whoever you choose to be right now, so make it someone who works on themselves and learns from their mistakes, not someone who only wallows in them and doesn’t learn anything.
Buck up. You’re a human. You’re gonna slip up again. Then you’re gonna die and so will all the people you ever knew and it won’t have mattered either way.
Accept yourself and move forward.
Talk to yourself as a friend because you’ll never leave you.
Got it?
Good.
Sincerely,
Your friend, Nate:)
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This article is Day 18 of the 30-Day Fishbowl Series
You can start the series by clicking HERE.
