Stop Praising Kids for Being ‘Smart’
The Curation Series: Growth Mindset vs. Fixed Mindset
The Curation Series
I started writing the 30-Day Fishbowl Series for three reasons:
- To give me something to accomplish every day during quarantine so that my mind wouldn’t be scrambling about
- To get my thoughts down on paper (digital paper anyway)
- To expose people to ideas that have helped me in my life that they may not be familiar with
But I’m running into a problem.
I can’t think of anything more to write!
Actually, it’s not that I can’t think of anything to write but that I can’t think of anything to write that’s also perfect and original.
And what is the result? I’m falling behind on my goal. It’s Day 24 and this is article 16! Ugh!
I must proceed under the guidance of Voltaire.
“Le mieux est l’ennemi du bien. “(The best is the enemy of the good.)” — Voltaire
In other words, stop perfection from stopping you!
So I’m starting something a little easier and more sustainable: The Curation Series.
Wherein I will focus more on my #3 reason for writing this blog series — to expose people to ideas they may not be familiar with. And I’ll do my best to break them down.
We’ll start with Carol Dweck and her groundbreaking work on mindset.
Growth Mindset vs. Fixed Mindset
I read Dweck’s Mindset: The New Psychology of Success back in 2013 when I pulled it off the shelf of the Inc. Magazine library.
It not only changed how I approached learning (particularly new languages), but it changed how I spoke with people, especially children.
The core principle is that the capacity for learning is more a matter of our words, than of the brain.
When we speak from a place of growth, we develop a “growth mindset”. When we speak from a place of finality, we develop a “fixed mindset”.
Key Principle: The Power of ‘Yet’ and ‘Not Yet’
‘Yet’ and ‘Not Yet’ give you a path into the future.
They imply that you can get it with a little more practice.
‘Failure’ on the other hand, is final. You failed.
It tells our ego that we’re just not good at this.
At the very least, it doesn’t promote learning or growth.
Key Principle: Embrace Error
One with a growth mindset engages deeply with error, processes the error and corrects it.
A person with a fixed mindset knows they’re a failure and so their brain shuts down.
“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” — Thomas Edison
Key Principle: Remember That These Children Will Become Adults
Children who are raised to obsess over getting A’s instead of accomplishing big goals, will become adults that value constant validation and rewards over doing great work.
Key Principle: Stop Praising Kids for Being ‘Smart’
When you congratulate and child by saying, “You’re so smart”, what you’re doing is conditioning them to shy away from challenges.
A challenge means something is difficult, which means you probably won’t be great at it at first. This invalidates the child thinking they’re smart, so they won’t want to participate because they don’t want to be seen as dumb.
Key Principle: Instead, Praise Kids for Their Effort
When you praise a child for working hard, for their process, effort, strategy, focus and perseverance, this creates hearty and resilient adults.
Conclusion
A fixed mindset can become a growth mindset.
Just by being exposed to this idea, my mind moved from fixed to growth.
I used to think I was horrible at languages, but it was because I felt like a failure in Spanish class.
But taking a course that made it clear there was no failing and then putting effort into that course, means that now I not only speak decent Spanish, but decent French as well.
Effort and difficulty are things to be sought after, not run from.
Difficulty makes one in a fixed mindset feel dumb, but in a growth mindset, it is actually the path to getting smarter.
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This article is Day 16 of the 30-Day Fishbowl Series
You can start the series by clicking HERE.
