Why Reaching Out for Help May Be Making You Weaker
How You Teach People How to Treat You
One of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite authors:
“Understand: you are one of a kind. Your character traits are a kind of chemical mix that will never be repeated in history. There are ideas unique to you, a specific rhythm and perspective that are your strengths, not your weaknesses. You must not be afraid of your uniqueness.” — Robert Greene
This realization is empowering especially coming from a person famous for writing about the absolute truths of humans and human nature, regardless if the truths are harsh or make you feel good.
And one harsh truth is the flip side of this quote: if you are the only you that exists, then you are inherently alone in this world.
No one will ever know your triumphs, failures or desires like you do.
Which means that you, and you alone, have the power and responsibility to improve your situation.
BUT…and this is a BIG BUT…you can surround yourself with supportive people who will help you along the way.
There are few more incredible feelings in this world than knowing someone has your back.
Which is why it pains me to see people eroding that support, most notably on social media.
How You’re Teaching People Not to Help You
The truth is, if you’re reaching out for help on social media or elsewhere, yet you still find yourself angry, resentful and alone, you may be the problem.
That might make you angry so in the interest of self-preservation, I’ll shamelessly pull from the wisdom of Gloria Steinem:
“The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.” — Gloria Steinem
Just look at one of the many Facebook posts where someone mentions the pain and suffering they’re experiencing. You’ll see folks comment with their support, solidarity and experience with what has helped them.
If this is you, then read how you’ve replied to the responses people have written. Are you saying things like, “I already tried that” or “Yeah, that doesn’t work for me”?
Are you leaving it at that, or are you then offering alternative solutions? Are you even thanking them for responding? That’s what you asked for, right?
What you’re doing here is teaching people not to help you. Because whenever they open up about themselves or donate even a few seconds to show you support — especially when you’ve asked for it — you completely deny it.
So the next time you want help, don’t expect them to be there for you.
You’ve asked for help because you’re in a weak position, which is totally natural. But now you’ve weakened your connections as well.
To Receive Help, You Must RECEIVE Help
“I’d always end up broken down on the highway. When I stood there trying to flag someone down, nobody stopped. But when I pushed my own car, other drivers would get out and push with me. If you want help, help yourself — people like to see that.” — Chris Rock
People want to help you. Yet no matter how much they try, it will be impossible for you to be helped at all if you keep denying it when it’s given to you.
If you find yourself in this pattern, then you must start by helping yourself. And the first step to helping yourself is being receptive to solutions.
That’s it.
Just be open to what’s being offered. You don’t have to use it — just consider it.
When you implement the advice someone gives (or just thank them), they will be more inclined to help you again.
When people see that their efforts are paying off, it will make them feel good and they will want to feel more of that so they will not only be open to being there for you again, they will have the confidence to help even more people.
And when you actually consider their suggestions, then implement them to find out that they help even a little, you will be more inclined to pass that advice on and help another.
That is, if they’re willing to be helped.
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This article is Day 15 of the 30-Day Fishbowl Series
You can start the series by clicking HERE.
