QUIZ: Do You Have What It Takes to Be a Big Hollywood Producer?
HOW HARD COULD IT BE?
We hear all the time that anyone can be a producer, but producers will tell you there’s a little more to it than most people realize. Could you make the cut?
1. It’s the first day on big Hollywood blockbuster ‘Marvel’s Bourne Impossible Pirates of the Furiously Fast Godzilla vs. Freddy’! Your panicked 1st AD comes up to you and says that number 1 has gone 10–1 but you still need to get the martini and check the gate on this set-up before we lose golden hour so you don’t have to wrap into turnaround. What do you do?
a.) Wait, what?
b.) Throw money at her.
c.) Ask where crafty is.
d.) Check the call sheet, switch to 2 and get a 10–4 on number one from your second second, call grace and just french hours this shit ’til we get our coverage, or we’re gonna have to force calls.
2. SAG-AFTRA have sent a rep to check on the Exhibit Gs. You had to upgrade a BG to a featured but forgot to Taft-Hartley that motherfucker. You know the SVP of BA is gonna ride you hard when they get the DPR.
b.) Can someone get me a Lacroix?
c.) Light a cigar with a $100 bill and blow smoke in their face.
d.) Call your wrangler and ask if they verified that the BG was SAG-E at voucher sign-in, and ask the scripty to mark the take with their line so the AE can pull it from the dailies.
3. It’s the Abby on the last set-up, and your ALM informs you that you lost the location for tomorrow’s splinter plate unit because the TAL voided the check for the permit, and the LM couldn’t get the insurance cert.
a.) Oh. Uh, damn.
b.) Can we fix it in post?
c.) I’ll be in my trailer… producing.
d.) Ping the UPM to push calls and get OT approval for scouts to tech survey outside the zone and bring choices for the HODs by wrap.
4. In the middle of the hero shot, the DIT calls over the DP to say the RAW is compromised, and we’re gonna have to hold the rolls while the best boy does a run to rentals to pick out a new kino because the blondes and the redheads are oversaturating the white balance with the current gels.
a.) Hate it when that happens.
b.) That’s sexist.
c.) Do a line of cocaine.
d.) Tell the gaffer to drop the C-stand and get a bounce and diffusion for the fill, check the black point, re-slate for a pick-up on the tail slate and go again.
5. The OPA calls from the PO to say blue revs are flying in, and you need to swap sides and alert the script supe that 8a is now D4N, and the 2AD will need to issue a green DOOD because #2 is gonna be a pre-call for HMU.
b.) D4N? Oh yeah, I love their new album.
c.) Drop your pants and take a shit on the set.
d.) Ask transpo to drop to circus and not basecamp so the PA can rush distro to ATLs, and have the director block with 2nd team cos we’re losing light.
If you answered…
Mostly A.) …Yes! You could make it as a Hollywood producer.
Mostly B.) …Yes! You could make it as a Hollywood producer.
Mostly C.) …Yes! You could make it as a Hollywood producer.
Mostly D.) …No! You’re far too competent. Sorry. (Also a lot of that was nonsense.)