The Art of Detachment
Learn how to let go and have your desires come to you.
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When I first heard this term, I couldn't understand why someone would want to detach.
Does it mean to be cold, unbothered, and distant from what life offers?
I was completely wrong.
Detachment is the art of feeling emotions without letting them control us.
The simple difference between the attachment and detachment are:
- Detachment: When you love something and want to see it happy.
- Attachment: When you want it to make you happy.
From expectations of having a certain career to responsibilities to having the best friendships/relationships.
Everyone is molded into being attached to feel worthy.
We spend our lives filling the broken parts of ourselves with achievement, someone else’s love and attention. Were we always taught to romanticize these traits? Let’s explore what the book I recently read says on this topic.
“ When you are born, you are the true essence of love; when we were a baby, we were so joyful and happy about life.
But as we get older we start to develop insecurities put on by society and idolise people or lifestyles.
This becomes our ego as we get attached to the things. And when those things leave our ego feels miserable and we fall apart.” — Spirit Junkie by Gabrielle Bernstein
Detachment is nothing but the removal of ego.
What is Ego?
Ego is self-perception from insecurity, neediness, and feeling like you will never be enough.
Why is operating from ego bad?
It results in self-sabotage. What you think is what you attract. Hence, when you go to network or seek new opportunities, you still might fail because you perceive it through a lack of a desperate state of mind. Operating from ego causes more harm than good.
Why is detachment so necessary?
- Being attached to someone means that a certain situation controls you. For example, if an incident has occurred in the past in which you were hurt or betrayed, you might be able to move on from it. As a result, you will tend to self-sabotage meeting better people as you feel that everyone is untrustworthy.
- As mentioned above, ego and attachment are insecurity disguised as love. Ego and attachment blind us to the fact that this is love, but instead, we become attached to people to fulfill our emotional needs.
- Our ego makes us put people and opportunities on a pedestal when that’s not even close to reality. We might even attach ourselves to them by thinking that this is the best we will ever get, and this causes you further to distance yourself from better things in your way.
- Everyone who has ever entered your life comes with a purpose. Once the purpose has been fulfilled, they will leave. This could be in the form of a lesson, heartbreak, or even a meaningful memory.
- Love without attachment is the healthiest form of love. It is important to realize that no one is entitled to owe us anything, but if you still decide to put in love and effort because you value them, that is the true form of love.
Detachment is about accepting how things are and knowing you are already capable enough to attract the things into your life.
Operating from fear will only push your desires further away. It shows that you truly don’t believe in yourself and are, hence, attached to a person or an outcome. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Sometimes, life throws you a random opportunity or a person to test whether you are capable of having the things you want in your life.
E.g., Let’s say you want a loyal, kind partner who gives you a lot of love and attention. However, you find yourself with someone who is emotionally unavailable. This test is to see whether you will leave or accept the bare minimum.
Therefore, it is about letting go of the fear and being selective about what you put your energy into.
So, how does one start detachment? Here are some of its main laws.
The primary laws of detachment are:-
- Allow yourself to be authentic. Understand who you are and what you love. Rewire your brain to avoid conforming to others.
- Allow others to be who they are, and stop trying to change them or force connections.
- Uncertainty is reality; nothing is in our full control.
- Embrace the mistakes, embrace the loss; rather than asking why this is happening to me, ask what it is trying to teach me.
- Everything happens in your favor or for a reason; when you start releasing that even your failures are wins because you learn something new from them, you will be unstoppable.
- You can start journaling to understand how to set limits.
How have these revelations affected me?
This had dumbfounded me. I had always been taught to strive for perfection and be the person who doesn’t raise any conflict.
But I have seen how drained my energy was, how I was overly fixated on the result.
But I would get the same results as everyone else. I often spiraled into negativity because I was not achieving my goals or having any friends.
I placed my self-worth in the hands of accomplishments and individuals. This destroyed me and ruined my self-image.
But here’s the twist: I underwent a significant transformation during those terrible days. I didn’t care about whether my peers thought of me as good. I didn’t care about parental expectations anymore.
Surprisingly, everything I wanted came rushing at me. Within a year, I had made new friends, memories, a supportive family, and good control over my career and goals. It resulted from letting go and simply focusing on my personal development.
Strange, isn’t it?
The brutal reality of life is that nothing is permanent. We can only cherish the memories that we make.
If we hold on to people or opportunities, we cannot move on to the next chapter of our lives.
If you worry that detaching yourself might disappoint others, please note that there is nothing wrong with doing so. It is always better to prioritize yourself to be at peace from within and be peaceful with others.
“Nothing lasts forever because something more extraordinary is on the way for you:)”
Remember this quote the next time you might feel too attached.
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