When the Lights Go Out.

This is something I’ve wrote about in the past but keeps coming to mind again and again.

I would venture to say that almost everyone is afraid to die. Is that a fair assumption? I think it is. I don’t think that people are afraid to die because of pain, or the ambiguity of what it will feel like when that left ventricle pumps it’s last bit of blood. I don’t even think it’s because of what happens after death. In large part atheists are content becoming decomposed dust, the sinners rationalize their way out of consequence and the religious hope for heaven. People are afraid of dying because they’re terrified of not accomplishing what they needed to and wanted to in this life. The motivation and drive for accomplishment and success in this life can overpass the pains of sickness and disease.

This is my biggest fear. I’m afraid I won’t accomplish what I was capable of accomplishing.

In our society, I feel like we’re arriving at a cultural fulcrum. For the last 100 years, rational adults have followed a designated process. You study zealously in high school. Then you attend college. Then you attend graduate school. Following your years of schooling, you find a decent job with moderate pay at a strong company. Then you climb the corporate ladder for 40 years. You wrap it up with a robust 401k and a paid off home.

Many that have gone before us will pass along the sentiment that the “groundhog day” monotony of this pattern is “real life” or “a part of growing up”. We have been told to work hard every day for those 40 years and it will pay off in the end. “You will have the wants and pleasures after the pain and strife of hard work.”

We are told that education is schooling. And we are told that schooling is a 4 year degree. And we have been trained into the expectancy that this 4 year degree is the linchpin of the rest of our professional lives. “It will make the difference of scrubbing tiles or financial freedom.” We find a major that we think fits the wants of future lifestyle (i.e. “I must be a Wall Street trader for a more lucrative life” or– “I must miss the little moments at home with the kids, so I can retire earlier and enjoy the rest of life”) We might even pursue the major that our parents have always wanted for us. Some of us sacrifice schooling in our passions because of the cost of the education or the lack of income.

This past way of life is not bad. There’s inherent joy that comes from any life filled with hard work. But it fails to address one extremely important fact of life.

We never know when the lights will go out.

You and I do not have any idea when we will die. Did you know that over 70 million people in America suffer from potentially life threatening heart diseases, and they’re not even aware of it? That’s 1 in 5 of your friends. I’ve lost several friends to the hands of drunk drivers. They didn’t leave the house ready to leave this life.

Did you feel that? That slight fear of death that crept in? This is exactly what I’m talking about. You weren’t thinking about the implications of a heart attack — you were thinking about time.

Life carries a large ephemeral undertone. Most of us feel at some point in our lives the slight anxiety that comes from not accomplishing what we want.

You might have heard the old adage by Lao Tzu, “If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the moment.” In my mind this does not mean that we should be content with the circumstances we put ourselves in. We should not lower the expectations we have of our own dreams. It means that you should be doing whatever it is that will make you peaceful now, right this moment.

Personally I think life is too short to postpone or navigate away from being who you should be. I want to discipline my life in such a way that I’m maintaining a personal integrity. That I don’t regret how I used my time. There’s a mantra that I’ve really guided a lot of my personal decisions by:

Success is not about retaining security, it’s about mitigating and controlling risk.

I believe that if someone wants to be successful– they will find a way through risk and hard work to be successful. Common culture tells us there’s no high-paying jobs for a particular passion and therefore it’s worthless. I reject that notion, and say you will find a way to be successful– if you want it. Embrace whatever it is you’re passionate about. Forget what society says about it.

Just do what you need to do to be truly happy.