I’ve taken my sweet time continuing the story I wrote like almost-too-many-months ago, but I’m back. I’m continuing it.

As one could hardly imagine — we fell in love. Ugly girl and Hot New Doctor are lovers. We clicked instantly, it was just like true love should work — blinding at least one person completely and hopelessly. I could do no wrong because I was perfect. I don’t know man, don’t even ask…

And Hot New Doctor is perfect in all the right ways because you see, I don’t feel blinded, I just feel less-than all the time. Now, before I get ahead of myself I need to tell you about how we ended up together.

So after our lovely meet at his office we felt a connection that had to be explored but I wasn’t going to — clearly, you have not met me, but I seriously need to work on my self-esteem and frankly, sometimes I think it’s as high as it can be considering. Anyway, he started texting me. At first, asking questions regarding my well-being and how I’m feeling after the procedure he has done so I thought nothing of it, just that this guy was a really nice doctor, but of course, my replies were always inviting like “Yes, I’m feeling fine, but I feel a bit light-headed, can that happen?”. He would always be sweet and give a lengthy response so we continued messaging. After a day or two of this back and forth he sent me a text at 9 a.m. that made me almost faint, he asked:

“Would you like to have lunch with me today?”

I wish I could explain to you how panic inducing this question actually was. I was questioning everything: Am I dressed appropriately? (meaning: was it another day that I dressed up like I just clearly gave up? Like sweatpants-Monday) Does my hair look like a mop? (yes, it always looks like a mop) What will we talk about? Is this a date or is this a bad joke? (yes, boys are mean, but men can be cruel. TRUST-ME). Having all these questions popping up I turned to my male colleague who also looked like he was having a I-gave-up Friday (this happened on Friday) and asked him:

“Would you take me out on a lunch-date?”

Yes, he froze thinking I genuinely asked him to ask me on a date, so I added:

“I mean theoretically.”

He relaxed and politely answered:

“Yeah, sure.” — and then he continued to stare blankly at the monitor in front of him.

“Even though I’m wearing overalls with sneakers to work?”

“Well, if I would like you — theoretically — I would not care about, you know, your appearance.”

Yeah, sure. Is love that blinding, though? I text back very casually: “Yeah, sure. Where?”

Now, before one thinks that this is a She-Will-Be-Loved story, I assure you IT IS NOT. Especially, because since then shitloads of things happened and I dug myself a pretty nice hole to fall into.

So guess what? We met and I immediately felt that this was different. The situation made me uncomfortable, not because he made things uncomfortable, but because the vibe he was giving off was very much a “ You and I are going to happen” vibe. He was very comfortable in his skin and it felt like he just owned this territory and that made me ask myself: why me? I always doubt myself, but especially in a situation like this — I feel like I almost don’t deserve this which is frightening because at the same time I don’t want him to get the upper hand and play me. I want to play it smart, especially because I was having a clear disadvantage. So, because I want to be on top, I play dumb. Yep…

Every time he makes an attempt to get closer to me I act like I don’t know what he wants. You’d think I’d be desperate and I’m hella desperate, don’t get me wrong, I’m just not stupid and don’t you forget that I said that, because I’m going to contradict myself in the next few posts.

We have a nice lunch and I can tell he’s a bit confused, not frustrated or upset in any way, which is a good sign. He had an exemplary behavior, besides the fact that he was so freaking confused that he could not hide it, he continued to be just like before. He even offered to walk me back to my office building, but I refused (for many a reason, I’d need an entire post just about that) and I left him with: “See you later, alligator”.

You’d think he would give up because “ugly bitch don’t worth it” or something but this guy was different. We’ll call him Mr. T.