The past 30 days
It has been more than a month since I left the last company that I worked with. I was forced to resign for the very reasons that I was “challenging” our chief’s authority and that my writing did not pass the so-called standard set by the company — which I am afraid, there’s no such thing, especially when I read the things that they publish online. I am not saying this out of bitterness of heart; rather, I am just stating a fact since I am not new in the field of creative writing and journalism. If my former professor and editor-in-chief was alive, he would probably scold that person, who’s at the helm of the online newspaper that I used to work with.
Pondering about what has transpired in the past 30+ days, made me question my integrity and capability as an editor, journalist, and creative writer. Perhaps, I am not good at writing at all, and I have a bloated ego that disallows me to follow what the authorities want me to do. These things made me feel small and the sense of inferiority that I have had for many years due to unhealed childhood traumas caused by my foster mom (this is another story) resurfaced. I thought that I had passed through it, but I did not. The only consolation that I have right now is that I still have that deep love for writing — not only for self-expression — but also for sharing valuable information with other people through news, critical analyses, and creative pieces.
Until now, I have been trying to give sense to what had happened and trying to see the positive side of things which I find somehow difficult knowing my Capricornian nature. What makes things more difficult is that I cannot tell my foster mom about this for she would receive the news negatively and it will end up with a shouting match. Moreover, I also do not want to upset her for the bad news will take its toll on her health (she is already 73 years old and hypertensive). Nevertheless, I thank God for having an understanding wife, who knew what really happened on that fateful day of 18 October 2023.
On the other hand, good things started to unfold, and I am happy to unlearn and relearn the things that I know to become a better writer, editor, and culture and literary critic. Besides, there is nothing to do but to get better. Praise be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior! Amen!
