I’ve grown

Embrace the Negative. Generate the positive.

It’s always weird to be selling myself in-front of faces that can impact my future; a feeling usually felt most where performance becomes tantamount to professional gloating.

I’ve grown comfortable putting that slow-burn on my accomplishments and abilities over the years — a kind of fake humble that keeps me centered. So it’s unnatural as hell to be hearing my stat-sheet being played back to me through my own lyrical pitch, like some grown-man realization that I’ve actually matured.

It’s my second interview in a few weeks with Vice Media, a company I’ve been overheard quoting time and time again when discussions of plans and futures intermingled with small talk. I’m not dressed as someone else through my attire, I’m myself. I’m not sitting up straight, I’m leaned back with a lens-shaped coffee mug in my hand. Comfort is me in this moment, speaking with a certainty that seems far and away from the shy pre-teen that hid in his room during family get-together’s.

This feels different compared to the several different interviews I’ve had in the past. I just don’t care as much about proving something. Despite competing advice from friends and family to walk in like I already have the job, my approach is different. I’m completely realistic about my strengths and weaknesses because I’ve embraced both sides. One keeps me silently confident, another keeps me cautiously aware about what I need to improve upon, which removes the falseness that works against most. I’m being spoken to as an equal in the field not as some ass kissing candidate looking for a one in a million opportunity. Of course initial nerves exist, but going in with the real possibility of failure helps in the fact that I’ve already accepted the possibility.

It all reminds me of the following quote from The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck* by Mark Manson:

“Ever notice that sometimes when you care less about something, you do better at it? Notice how it’s often the person who is least invested in success of something that actually ends up achieving it? Notice when you stop giving a fu*k, everything seems to fall into place?”
Read the hell outta this book

What he’s suggesting is that embracing failure is the only way to actually grow. Pursuing the negative generates the positive.

After our conversation, handshakes commence and the promise of future talks and how much I’d fit in with this company confirms my feelings.

I’ve grown, and I think it’s time I’ve admitted that.

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Thanks for the read. I’ve challenged myself to writing a little something every day (scratch that, every month) for a year apart from my regular work. For more of a piece of me, feel free to follow Noel Ransome.

And check out www.noelransome.com for more journalism specific pieces.