FDA Approves Pfizer Vaccine For Walking Dead
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Officials at The Food and Drug Administration recently approved Pfizer’s BioNTech Vaccine for the undead population, which comprises millions of zombies across the United States. The authorization will further expand the vaccine’s reach to cover every living — and non-living — person in the country.
So far, the FDA’s decision has received enthusiastic support from the National Institute of Allergies and Infectious Diseases and The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
“Our work is not yet done,” CDC Director Rochelle Walensky said in a press briefing. “We need to make sure that absolutely everyone is vaccinated, including those who come from marginalized underground communities.”
A recent study conducted by a team at the Grave School of Science found a high number of COVID cases in cemeteries and apocalyptic wastelands. The results suggest that non-living persons are capable of contracting and spreading the disease.
Government health officials are now urging everyone to take precautions, even if they no longer have a pulse. Dr. Anthony Fauci, America’s leading expert on infectious diseases, warned that being dead is not a reason to get comfortable. “It’s by no means an invitation to relax,” he said. “In fact, as a post-mortal being, you need to be even more careful…
