Space Mogul Purchases Earth in Exchange for Six Other Slave Planets
MILKY WAY — A major transaction occurred in the galaxy this month, unbeknownst to the inhabitants of Earth. While much of the human race was distracted by the sale of a simple networking toy called “Twitter,” a wealthy entrepreneur from the planet Omicron acquired Earth as part of a massive multi-planetary deal.
The ten inch tall Omicronian named Zor purchased the blue and green planet from Lord Bowser, whose reptilian family has lived on Earth for generations. Bowser agreed to sell Earth in exchange for six other galactic properties, including Sars II, Alpha Minor, Ball & Chain, Peon, and Dearth (a planet similar to Earth, but lower in value).
The sale will be finalized through BlackRock Holdings in approximately three Earth days. Bowser says he is partly relieved to be rid of the human-filled planet, describing it as “more of a handful than I thought it would be.” While the reptilian didn’t elaborate on his statement, sources suggest that growing freedom protests in many parts of the world may have contributed to his decision to sell.
Earth’s new owner, however, is still optimistic about its potential for exploitation. He says the previous owner “made excellent progress with the property,” and he is excited to finish the work that was started. Among the projects to complete: merging all of Earth’s governments into one world government, reducing the planet’s population to a manageable size, and connecting human brains to a central control grid.
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