My Wife Doesn’t Feel Loved (How to Make Your Wife Feel Loved Again)

Nolan Ezra, Ph.D.
6 min readMar 30, 2024
Photo by Chermiti Mohamed on Unsplash

Have you ever felt like something’s missing in your relationship? As if the love that once bloomed brightly has dimmed, leaving both of you yearning for that deep connection again? I often hear from individuals who are grappling with this exact sentiment, especially husbands who are concerned that their wives don’t feel loved anymore. It’s a common struggle, one that can leave you feeling lost and unsure of how to proceed.

Recently, I received an email from a client, Harrison, who was grappling with a deep sense of concern and longing. Harrison’s email painted a poignant picture of his relationship with Alexa, his wife of ten years. He reminisced about the early days of their marriage when they would surprise each other with little notes and spontaneous date nights. They laughed together, shared dreams, and felt completely connected. However, as responsibilities piled up and the demands of daily life took over, those moments became increasingly rare.

Harrison noticed a shift in Alexa’s demeanor. She seemed distant, preoccupied, and less responsive to his gestures of affection. He described moments when he would try to initiate conversations about their relationship, only to be met with silence or deflection. Despite his love for her and his efforts to show it, he couldn’t shake off the feeling that something was missing. His email was a heartfelt plea for guidance, a genuine desire to make Alexa feel loved and cherished once again.

“I’ve tried everything I can think of,” Harrison wrote. “But no matter what I do, it feels like I’m not reaching her heart anymore. How do I make her feel loved again? How do I bring back that spark we used to have?”

Harrison’s story is relatable to many couples who find themselves in a similar situation. The good news is that there are practical steps you can take to reignite the spark and make your wife feel loved again. Here are some actionable tips to guide you along this journey:

1. Communicate Openly and Listen Actively

Start by creating a safe and non-judgmental space where both you and your wife can express your thoughts and feelings honestly. Avoid jumping to conclusions or assuming you know how she feels. Instead, ask open-ended questions that invite her to share her emotions and experiences. Practice active listening by giving her your full attention, maintaining eye contact, and acknowledging her feelings without interrupting. Remember, effective communication is not just about speaking; it’s also about listening with empathy and understanding.

Communication is the cornerstone of a healthy and fulfilling relationship. It allows you to address concerns, resolve conflicts, and deepen your emotional connection. By fostering open communication, you create a foundation of trust and mutual respect that strengthens your bond as a couple.

2. Express Appreciation Daily

Take a moment every day to acknowledge and express gratitude for your wife’s presence in your life. Whether it’s a simple “thank you” for her support or a heartfelt compliment about something she did, showing appreciation reinforces her value and importance to you. Be specific in your praise, highlighting qualities or actions that you genuinely admire. By making appreciation a daily habit, you create a positive and affirming atmosphere in your relationship where both partners feel valued and loved.

Expressing gratitude is not just about words; it’s also about actions. Show your appreciation through thoughtful gestures, such as preparing her favorite meal, offering to help with household tasks, or surprising her with a small token of affection. These acts of kindness demonstrate that you see and cherish her contributions, no matter how big or small.

3. Prioritize Quality Time Together

In the midst of busy schedules and responsibilities, it’s essential to carve out dedicated time for meaningful interactions with your wife. Quality time doesn’t necessarily mean extravagant outings or elaborate plans; it can be as simple as sharing a quiet dinner, taking a leisurely walk together, or enjoying a movie night at home. The key is to focus on each other without distractions, allowing genuine conversations and emotional connections to flourish. Make it a priority to create these moments regularly, as they strengthen your bond and remind your wife of your love and commitment.

Quality time also involves being fully present and engaged during your interactions. Put away distractions like phones or work-related thoughts and give your undivided attention to your wife. Show genuine interest in her thoughts, feelings, and experiences, fostering a deeper understanding of each other’s worlds. By prioritizing quality time together, you create lasting memories and reinforce the emotional intimacy that sustains a thriving relationship.

4. Show Affection and Physical Touch

Physical touch is a powerful way to express love, affection, and closeness in your marriage. Simple gestures like holding hands, giving hugs, or gentle touches on the shoulder can convey warmth and connection. Physical intimacy goes beyond sexual expression; it’s about non-verbal communication that conveys care, comfort, and support. Be mindful of your wife’s preferences and comfort levels, respecting boundaries while finding ways to express affection that resonate with both of you.

Affectionate gestures shouldn’t be reserved for special occasions; incorporate them into your daily interactions to keep the spark alive in your relationship. Use touch as a way to connect emotionally, whether it’s a reassuring embrace during a challenging moment or a playful pat on the back to celebrate a success. Physical affection communicates love in a language that transcends words, deepening your emotional bond and making your wife feel cherished and valued.

5. Surprise Her with Thoughtful Gestures

Remember the joy of surprising your wife with thoughtful gestures? Bring back those moments by planning surprises that cater to her interests and preferences. It could be a handwritten love letter expressing your feelings, arranging a romantic picnic in a favorite spot, or organizing a surprise date night with activities she enjoys. The element of surprise adds excitement and spontaneity to your relationship, showing your wife that you put effort into making her feel special and loved.

Thoughtful gestures don’t have to be extravagant; it’s the thought and effort behind them that matter most. Pay attention to the little things that bring a smile to your wife’s face, whether it’s bringing her morning coffee in bed or leaving sticky notes with uplifting messages around the house. These small acts of kindness and thoughtfulness contribute to a loving and nurturing environment where your wife feels appreciated and cherished.

6. Support Her Dreams and Goals

Show genuine interest in your wife’s aspirations, dreams, and goals, and be her biggest cheerleader in pursuing them. Whether it’s a career ambition, a personal passion, or a new hobby, encourage her to follow her heart and strive for what brings her fulfillment. Ask questions about her goals, offer encouragement and support, and celebrate her achievements along the way.

Supporting your wife’s dreams goes beyond words; it involves actively participating in her journey and being a source of encouragement and motivation. Attend events or activities related to her interests, lend a helping hand when needed, and provide emotional support during challenges or setbacks. When your wife feels supported and valued in her pursuits, she’ll feel more loved, appreciated, and connected to you.

Remember, every relationship is unique, and what works for one couple may not work for another. The key is to tailor these suggestions to fit your relationship dynamics and to always approach them with love, empathy, and genuine intention. Making your wife feel loved again requires ongoing dedication and effort, but the rewards of a deeper, more fulfilling connection are absolutely worth it.

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Nolan Ezra, Ph.D.

Marriage and Family Therapist. I am passionate about helping couples navigate the challenges they face and strengthen their relationships.