Pic by Atikh Bana Unsplash.com
Shout out to Human Parts for giving me not just a prompt to write but also a much needed question.
The thing is, I’ve been dodging that question for a long time.
Why?
Because I feel selfish focusing on myself. Life is about how I contribute in the world, but forgetting myself doesn’t serve me any good because I too need the very love I’m giving away.
Lately I’ve been feeling like I do need to do me. As much as I thought about it — my whole body shakes, afraid of what that may feel like. My nerves go out of whack, unsure of what to expect. And I bow out.
Why?
I grew up in an environment where putting yourself last was a noble thing to do. Take care of others and you will be blessed. I’m sure they meant well, but that type of teaching can be downright dangerous.
I’ve been doing some inner work deprogramming myself with different techniques like doing affirmations, my favorite ones by Bob Baker
https://youtu.be/2bbHZusVgw0 ex
These affirmations have been a game changer for me and although they’re prosperity driven( prosperity and being good to yourself go hand in hand) they’ve helped me understand and know that I am worthy and deserving of the best.
So what’s the root of why I’ve struggled with being good to myself:
1.Growing up I used to believe that my being here was a mistake. Raised by single mom in a society that classified them as witches or bitches or both. Single mothers weren’t trending there were taboo. I remember hearing adults talking about me, how I was illegitimate child, and how my friends parents didn’t want me to play or hang out with their kids.This is one of the things that made me feel unworthy. The fact that I wasn’t born out of love made me feel like I couldn’t claim something that wasn’t there in my creation in the first place.
But as I’ve learned that despite the fact that my mother was single when she had me doesn’t mean God didn’t create me, doesn’t take away that He allowed me to be here. If then the Highest being is ok with me being here then I should be too
2. Dealing with sexual abuse at an early age. When an adult violates a child it affects the child for a long time. It takes away confidence and leaves guilt and unworthiness. And for a while I struggled with that.
Once I forgave myself things got lighter
3.My non-existent relationship with my father. I remember when he’d make promises to come and see me and not show up. This left me feeling unwanted by the very guy who co- created me. Although he has since passed God bless his soul
4 My black skin. The complexion I wear comes along with a lot of discrimination and doesn’t fit most beauty standards. The constant rejection that comes along with having a cocoa bean colored complexion always made me feel like I didn’t deserve any good.
But things are now changing a bit, high-end designers, beauty and style magazines are slowly adding blackness to their portfolios and runways. I’m finally getting a grip on accepting myself just as I am. Black is beautiful and so I am.
Dear Noma
You are worthy of self love
I give you permission to be selfish sometimes
Help yourself first before you help others
You’re worthy
I’m happy you’ve been working on your healing which is important
Keep going
Be ok with saying ‘no’, when don’t feel like doing anything
Take a long sip of your peppermint tea without rushing to get something done for someone else.
Write a list of things you want to do and check it off one thing at a time
Enjoy whatever you want to enjoy
You’re here on this Earth to live abundantly taking care of yourself is an investment.
Stop being altruistic for a while and be good to yourself. It’s long over due.
Everyone has their story on why they fail at being good to themselves. Quit making excuses and do right by you.
Just because others haven’t been good to you shouldn’t set the standard of how you treat yourself
Be good to yourself and watch how others will be happy to be join the movement of being good to you. 😃
#humanPrompts
