One step at a time,one day at a time,one hour at a time.
I have a very serious issue. I am a drug addict. Normally people associate drugs with cocaine,heroin or cannabis so on and so forth. Mine isn’t all that. I’m addicted to sleeping pills. I used to down 30 pills within a week. The drug level in my blood was over the roof. What was I supposed to do? Swallowing 4 to 5 pills a night will allow me just a wink of sleep. Suddenly I felt like having it all the time. The thing is,drugs take you to hell disguised as heaven. The feeling of being stoned all the time and just not accepting reality for what it is, was just so amazing. A euphoric phase. I realized that I had to stop, mind you, had to, not want to. After many rehab sessions, the doctor told me that if he doesn’t see an improvement he’s sending me in. ANYTHING BUT THAT. It’s so horrible…the thought of getting admitted and having your life controlled by certified humans who knows the human body a bit too well. I had severe withdrawal symptoms. I was coughing so much and kept getting fevers. One day, I downed a whole bottle of cough syrup. There began my new addiction. I was given antibiotics for my fever and I got hooked on to that as well. I decided to tell my close friends about it and their response shattered whatever hope I had left at that time. “What the fuck Hafelah?! Are you crazy? Don’t be a stupid bitch.”. HAH so much for being close friends huh? Jokes on me. Regardless of how hurt I was from their words, it fueled me to want to stop for good. I’ve relapsed plenty of times. You know it’s funny how I used to think a drug addict was someone who lived on the far edges of society. Wild-eyed,shaven head and living in a filthy squat….that was until I became one. I’m not telling myself it’s going to be easy, I’m telling myself that it’s going to be worth it. My addiction, I can choose to let it define me,confine me,refine me,outshine me or I can choose to move on and leave it behind me. I am telling you this right now, I am not defined by my relapses, but my decision to remain in recovery despite them. You’ve seen my descent, now watch my rising!