Newly Wed Bliss

Are you in newly wed bliss?
 Do you get butterflies from his kiss?
 Do you miss your new groom,
 every time he leaves the room?
 Are you infatuated,
 constipated with LOVE?

Embarrassed and hatin’ my own hesitation,
 contemplatin’ consequences,
 of the indefinite damnation,
 of declaring any declaration other than…YES.
 I answer,
 “I guess”.

Break in conversation,
 silence escalating,
 silence suffocating,
 in desperate anticipation,
 For much needed explanation.

 I knew no newly renewed bliss,
 the catalyst being his kiss.
 No covet to constantly cuddle and love it.
 Am I buggin?
 Naw f*ck it.

I guess my mind was occupied,
 with things nobody knew,
 our lives preoccupied with the newest kind of new.

 I guess, I was still recoverin’,
 from the mess of havin’ two dresses,
 wedding induced stressin’,
 the newest and best of blessin’s,
 still blood pressures still pressin’,

You see,
 I had replaced infatuation
 with respect and admiration.

He be the master of Mapquestin’,
 the Google when I’m speculatin’ and guessin’,
 the direction in my spiritual digression.

Trading in infatuation,
 for complex conversations
 about our occupations, our dreams, our aspirations.

I be splittin’ time with thyme,
 Scramblin’ eggs while unscramblin’ his mind.
 no flexin’,
 just me and mine.

I be sacrificing newly wed blissin’,
 and all the kissin’ and missin’,
 for situational submission.
 Because see,
 We be on this constant move,
 just try’na find our groove,
 in all this newest, newer, new.

We be studio confined,
 eager to sign that line,
 so we can move this ONE LAST TIME.

So No,
 I don’t miss my new groom,
 this studio only got 1 room!
 I don’t constantly covet the cuddle,
 or absorb his love like socks in a puddle.

I don’t be in newly wed bliss.

I guess,
 I be Patiently prayin’
 thankfully thankin’
 for the player God gave me.
 I be predictin’ his moves,
 blessed and impressed,
 as he navigates the new like a game of chess.

He be no contest,
 can’t contest,
 better than best,
 put silence to rest.

Yes, I guess,
 I am not in newly wed bliss.
 Don’t need that mid day kiss.
 Don’t wonder when I’m gone if I’m missed.

 I be blessed with the best problem solver,
 shootin’ solutions like revolvers,
 managing mutual funds for our future daughter,
 thinkin’ the things I never thought of,
 contemplatin’ what’s next to conquer,
 filling our home with love, like an overheated sauna.

So damn the indefinite damnation of my awkward declaration.
 No yes, no I guess.
 No guilt or obligation.
 No risk assessed estimations.
 Just No.
 I am not in newly wed bliss.

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