I’m Sleepwalking To The Fire
“I had a dream about a burning house. You were stuck inside I couldn’t get you out. Love isn’t all that it seems I did you wrong. I’ll stay here with you until this dream is gone. I’ve been sleepwalking too close to the fire, but it’s the only place that I can hold you tight. In this burning house.”
I have been busting this song “Burning House” by Cam for days now. I feel like it says a lot about what is boiling inside me.
Have you experienced watching your loved ones go through something; a sickness, grief, or intense crisis in life, and you know that you can save them if only you have financial resources?
I have.
You want to do something, to help make things better for them, but all you can do is cry in silence because you barely have enough or nothing to give to help them with their situation.
It is in moments like this that you will feel so helpless and useless.
I felt helpless and useless, often.
I know it is wrong to ask God or blame life’s circumstances whenever life reduces you to tears and total helplessness. But I also believe that God is so merciful that He would understand and forgive us, especially when we prostrate to Him and raise our hands and ask “God, please take the wheel.”
I am single and the breadwinner of my family. I am not complaining though, because there are also better days. But, as your folks grow older health deteriorates and life becomes too demanding and overwhelming for someone who isn’t financially stable; medical needs on top of bills over bills.
When you see your folks suffer regularly, and you couldn’t help them, the bills and putting food on the table seemed like a piece of cake. There is nothing harder and more heartbreaking than seeing your loved ones suffer and you couldn’t help.
You wanted to give them a good life, take them to places, make them feel happy, and show them how much you care. You have so many things you wanted to do, but couldn’t. And you just watch them, and all you could do is cry in silence.
And what’s worse is when you work so hard to do better at work regardless, hoping to get higher pay. And when that does not happen, you look for others ways to earn day in and day out. But, life does not give you a chance.
So, how can you not ask?
This is my life, and I have asked far too many times that I have finally accepted it.
I think when you have gone through so much difficulty you will come to terms with it, and learn to accept and deal with it.
But over and above that, I believe that my Faith and my belief in God that He will see us through is what has kept me going.
It may seem funny but true. I got tired of asking at some point, and I thanked God for the difficulties instead.
Why? Because it drew me closer to my Faith. When I had nowhere and no one to turn to, it kept me sane and made me stronger.
It reduced all my other worries into pieces, and I looked at life through a different lens.
For more life stories. Please read on and share your thoughts.
