Day 1 has finally arrived

So what happens when you decide to go public with your thoughts in attempt to master your English?

Well at first nothing happens because you think you are:

A. not good enough (in various ways from your language proficiency to quality of your thoughts);

B. scared that people will slaughter you for spelling mistakes;

C. become even more invisible than you’re already are — what if no one will ever read what I write?

But all those reasons are mere excuses, aren’t they?

After processing all that in your head you finally burst out like screw all that I’m gonna write anyway mother procrastination comes along.

Being an esthete I can spend ours choosing the write font, color and blog name. And if that’s a planform like tumblr we talking about — I’m lost for days designing my future home of thoughts. But as it usually goes the moment I finishing with designing a blog I’m one of two things: dead tired and craving to get some sleep more than anything or feeling empty because of spending all my eagerness to do something and to write while creating where to write.

Years YEARS go by before you actually start writing. But if you do — congrats you’re already my champion and if you keep writing daily, weekly, monthly… consider yourself a procrastination beater.

Seems easier to address to others than myself for whom it actually supposed to be. At least it makes me refrain from swearing. I don’t have a habit to address to people I don’t know the way I do to myself: Hey you, stupid lazy bitch! (that’s my pet name for myself and it gets longer as pms gets closer. My record is about using 17 adjectives) Get down to work or no cookies for you. Actually no cookies for you in any case because you’ve gained like 5 pounds during this summer and you’ve had 4 more alredy before that. So suck it up stop mopping around your nearly extinct love-life and DO something.

So here I am doing God know what. I hope he doesn’t — I bet sometimes for him watching people is like watching an awful TV show without being able to switch the channel or turn it off. Probably that’s why life gets interesting when you least expect — he’s tired of watching you sitting on your butt eating chips. Sometimes I do crazy stuff just so there would be something interesting for him to watch. Or maybe not for him but for my dream alter-ego doppelganger. Guess many people had this idea that our dreams are somebody else’s life and vice versa, so when we are awake our alter-ego is sleeping and watching us so we’d better make it count.

I’m not sure that seeing me writing all that is such a great entertainment but it’s definitely better than the picture of me re-watching FRIENDS for the 10th time.

So I’m writing this blog because…

  • I’m in love. With the language. My love life still sucks;
  • I need to gain some control over my life and see a perspective;
  • Practice makes perfect. And I’d love to write better

It took me a 3 days to finish this post but considering that I’ve been wanting to do this for like a year or two I call that progress.

Maybe there would be finally some stability in my life.