Word of warning for the spiritually squeamish, I’m about to mention God. I have no religious intentions, but I believe in a power greater than me and I call it God. My experience of love in this story, however, is universal, so please substitute any word that speaks to you.
Where’s God’s Love in the Anger?
“Where do you see God’s love in all this anger?” I had just told my spiritual director about my recent volcanic eruptions.
“Okay. But what about while you were yelling, swearing, and kicking cars?”
“God’s not there. If God loves me when I’m behaving like that, then I’ll never change.”
“Is it possible that your ability or need to change your behavior is separate from whether or not God loves you?”
We had been talking about God loving me at my worst for a couple months now. So far, I had barely been able to tap into feeling like God loved me even at my best. In theory, I believed God loved me in some capacity. I had always prayed and believed that God acted in my life. And yet, when asked to explain my image of God or how I experienced God’s love, I had a hard time pinpointing it.
Feeling God’s Presence
Moments of profound peace hit when I walked in the the woods, surrounded by trees, the breeze whispering through leaves, and the creek gurgling as it swept by and over the rocks.
And when the cool air caressed my cheek while the rays of the sun warmed my face I stood still. In those moments I felt reassured that no matter what else was happening, someone was looking out for me.
I experienced moments of feeling connected to something greater than me when I went to Christmas Mass at the majestic Basilica in Minneapolis, absorbing the resplendent singing of the choir ricocheting off the…