It’s the second day of my eating at TGI Fridays for an entire week, and I’m already regretting doing this — #TGISundays

Before my meal at Fridays, all I ingested today was black coffee and communion. After church I wandered around the Bronx Zoo for 3–4 hours, so I was quite hungry by the end of it. I muscled through the hunger for another hour and took the 2 train to Penn Station.* It was equal parts survival and post-irony that sustained me through the journey, for upon ascending the escalator and seeing the TGI Fridays sign I laughed. I laughed a laugh of delight — and of gathering lament.
*If you don’t know what Penn Station is like, just picture the most depressing shopping mall you’ve ever been to. Now imagine that shopping mall re-purposed as a Soviet gulag and filled with 650,000 people.
Here’s a summary of day two.
Where
2 Pennsylvania Plaza, New York, NY 10001
Yelp rating: 2.0 stars
When
Meal for the day, 6:15–7:30 pm
Who
Me, myself and I

What
- Stella
- Pot stickers
- Pecan chicken salad
- Guinness (not pictured)


How
…was the food?
This meal cost me more than my dinner for two with Vick yesterday. They hike the prices in Penn Station because they can, the same way LaGuardia charges $5 for a Cliff Bar.
Since I’m eating gluten-ously this week I took advantage of the dietary sabbatical and drank beers I haven’t drunk in years. They’re slightly worse than I remember them. The Stella was smooth and weak, and the Guinness made for a half-way decent dessert because it has fewer calories, tastes better and is more organic than any of Fridays’s* desserts.
The pot stickers were warm and greasy, and the szechuan sauce was (excepting the Guinness) the best thing I consumed at the meal. I used the pot stickers to replace the chicken on my salad. The chicken was cold and bad. Maybe I’m just not used to chicken. I don’t like romaine lettuce, so I can’t blame Fridays for that. The dressing was thick and hidden under select leaves. It was a treasure hunt for mandarin oranges, cranberries and blue cheese.
*This is the pedantic but proper possessive for the brand. They are no longer T.G.I Friday’s but officially TGI Fridays. Fridays does not denote plural Fridays; rather, it’s part of a singular compound proper noun. So as is befitting all singular nouns, even those that end in s,** an s is the appropriate possessive appendage.
**The exception to this rule is names of ancient figures. You would write “Socrates’ hemlock martini” and “Jesus’ Canaan Cabernet” but “Bernie Sanders’s $11.99 lunch special.”
…the service?
- Veronica S wore an orange wig tucked under a camouflage Boston Bruins trucker cap. She was there when I needed her and not a moment more. TGI Fridays is her main hustle.
…the ambiance?
- The mens room was locked. The code is 354. Inside you’ll find floor-to-ceiling tile salvaged from a community swimming pool.
- There was movie memorabilia on the walls and America’s Funniest Home Videos playing on a TV at the bar. I knew that show was, unbelievably, still on the air. I didn’t know that Alfonso Ribeiro (Carlton from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air) is now the host.
- A family of four from out of town sat down next to me. They had just seen Hamilton, and the nerdy son with the voice of a douche had a lot to say. First he explained that if he walked into the show without having known it was Hamilton he probably would have enjoyed it but that it wasn’t as great as everyone says. Then he monologued for a good 10 minutes about Half Life 2 and the business politics of Valve and Steam. His sister liked the show and was worried only about meeting up with her friend wherever they were returning to. The dad asked for the largest cheapest beer and was shocked at the $8.50 Miller Lite. “This is baseball stadium pricing!” The mom: “Welcome to New York.”
- There were small bugs flying around my food. Too small for flies, too big for gnats and not fruit flies. Any entomologists out there with theories, give me a shout.
…am I feeling now?
Slightly less unwell than after dinner yesterday, but still not good. I feel like my torso is a microwave and my stomach is a bag of popcorn now fully popped and burning.
Emoji Haiku Executive Summary
☕️⛪️🦁🐯🐘
😐😓💈😂😕🍻🥗
🤑🤢💩🤢😑
Till tomorrow.
