When did this become the “normal”?

Stephanie Martin
Aug 23, 2017 · 3 min read

There was a time when my days were set based on what I wanted to do while considering what my husband wanted to do also, sometimes. I set the tone for how busy the day would be, what would get accomplished, how much focus would be on fun. Or, if I wanted the day to be a complete “mental health day,” where I stayed in my pajamas all day watching old movies or reading a book. My wardrobe was based on clothing that I enjoyed wearing and being seen in, the higher the heel the better! Vehicles were based on what we enjoyed driving and not how many kids can comfortably travel in car seats.

We added one child unexpectedly about 12 years ago, nothing like waking up one morning and realizing there’s a 5-year-old living in your home. Life began to change, but I still felt like the control factor was there. She was at school most of the year, thankfully she easily transitioned into our family and routines with some minor shifts. As she aged, more time with just the two of us came back into play.

We knew we wanted more children, but road block after road block kept popping up. After 8 years, we were able to welcome a healthy baby girl to the mix. She has was attached to me, sometimes literally, everywhere I went. She has always been easy to take places and the girls would often have days off together. Fun was still present, but less control and less focus on myself. I had to become intentional on scheduling time to develop friendships and get away. I became more thankful for my running group and the fact that I was rarely ever “needed” at 5 in the morning while running, marathon training was out of the question at that point, but I still did a couple half marathons.

Fast forward to present day and I’m now the mother of a 17-year-old, 3-year-old, and 8 month old, where truly, my time is not my own! My days are dictated based on cheer schedules, play dates, and doctor/dentist appointments. My wardrobe is no longer focused on what’s fashionable, rather what is comfortable with the least amount of hazards for dropping little people and no shiny things that just call to them to be grabbed. I laugh as I type this, as I did choose to be the mother of these little people. I love that I can make plans, try and accomplish said goals, but the reality is everything is subject to change at a moments notice if one gets sick or teething takes an ugly turn.
I remember as a child thinking how great it would be to decide what I would get to do all day. To have that control (yes I am a recovering control freak) of what I would do each day and how that day would go. I keep reminding myself this is the “normal” of today, yet this season will change before I know it. So instead of fretting about lack of control or how many things on my to do list get delayed or thrown out the window, I’ll embrace the need to be flexible. I’ll soak up the giggles and focus on developing great relationships with these fun, energetic and often comedic individuals I get to invest in.

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Stephanie Martin

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Wife and Mother of 3 who is always running