how i found myself loving you

work drags on because
i stand behind the cash register
waiting for customers that never appear 
in the basement of the student center
people walk in to ask for directions
to the arcade that closed 
ten years ago

but at least the manager stays in the office
and my backpack is filled with 
shoplifted trojans and nyquil
and my 15 min breaks are filled with 
wendy’s jr bacon cheeseburgers
and you

on saturdays
there’s that old chinese restsaurant
down the road
we like to go to 
with the snarky waiter that
never gives us enough
fried wonton chips
you scarf down
the shrimp with lobster sauce
while i barely touch my soup
and you insist on paying anyway

started keeping a toothbrush
and contact solution
and pajamas
and pads
in your apartment

there are tempura flakes
bordering your lips
you sneak
crunchy munchy rolls
on my plate
cause i haven’t been eating much

it’s warmer now after
wrapping myself in your green fleece blanket
when the living room gets too cold

ordering late night delivery after
getting drunk from two jello shots
and three hard lemonades
and filling my snapchat
with blurry selfies

there are moments 
at two in the morninig when
i can’t help but imagine you
with your ex-girlfriend
and she was so pretty-still is
and i am here
tone deaf and unable to even hold my liquor

eating 2 lbs of honey barbecue wings one night
your buffalo chicken crisp the next
i only get a smoothie though cause
you’ve spent too much money on me already

i’m dressed in your old bowling sweatshirt becase
i puked myself again from drinking too much

nightmare grip reality
once again
i wake up crying
my cheeks are stained with
flashes of trauma and
ghosts of the past
and my heart is beating so erratically
that i struggle to breathe
but i realize you next to me
gently breathing
slightly snoring
so charmingly untroubled
that i know it’s all okay

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