To those who patiently wait …

I will be twenty years old soon and every now and again I get this question from either a family memeber or a friend of my mom’s I run into “ So , do you have anyone special ?” My polite response is always “ Oh no , not yet.” I smile and I walk away going about my business . The question itself started to naw away at my inner self and I went into a mini depressive state of being. It’s not like I don’t try to meet guys. I go eat in public places but one day it hit me that the problem wasn’t me and a lack of trying it was , the way I looked. I realized looking around campus that the couples I saw where tall guys with a skinny girl. I thought to myself “ Welp , you don’t have plans of changing for a man if you ever get to have a relationship ; let alone to get a man sooo continue living.” I have decided to wait . Wait for what , you ask ?

I will wait until I find a man who will love me belly rolls , cellulite , double chin , sweatpants on a Monday , no make-up on a Friday night , no Netflix and chill ever and everything else I come with. I am so sick of people saying “…well maybe if you lose weight it will happen.” I don’t want to change myself in order to be supposedly happy. That’s not me.

I’ll lose weight when I want to until then I will continue to eat mall food court Thai food and drink extra large sodas. Waiting for something big to happen in my life is something I have always done and I will keep on doing until my life decides to change its direction. I get the occasional “ Your life will get better if you try , harder and get out more” it’s mostly coming from my mom but , hey , it hasn’t happened. Some people are just born with natural abilities, some are good at certain things and some can’t do anything to save their own lives. I’m one of those in between people , certain things I’m great at and others not so much. I can take an awesome photo of a sunset , However my selfies are horrible but that might be just my face. I love to read and write however my note taking game is weak , because I didn’t go to a high school where taking notes mattered. Now that I’m in college I have to try and keep with the lecture by recording it. I’ll continue to wait patiently for my kiss , my first boyfriend, my first car , my first apartment, my first time. Life ? If your looking for me , I’ll be right here. Waiting.

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