An Apology letter

To my father, the universe..

If I had become an astronaut..

I would have left this earth and lived in you

I would have seen the earth land and water

I wouldn’t have known her inhabitants

I would have seen the people land

I would have seen them sand

I wouldn’t have known them

I wouldn’t have spoken to them

I wouldn’t have loved them

But I am not an astronaut..

I have become another normal human being

I steal a glance of the moon, so I won’t see you

Because I feel shy from you

I feel shy from you

Your daughter has turned into another girl like any other girl from the planet earth

Indulged into its pleasures

And enjoying the life here among these people

Among these people, some of whom have become her family

And some have become her lovers, her friends, her strangers and her enemies

Yes, she has forgotten you

I am sorry…

I am sorry….

I don’t know how I am going to send this letter to you

Do you have an address?

Yes, I know, I have forgotten our address

I have forgotten our home..

I have forgotten our space…

But do you understand me?

Have you ever tried living here?

Even for a day?

I meant to say… even once?

Between these “creatures” who call themselves humans

I know you would not have heard them

You would not have seen them

But you would have felt them

And after a while, you will start to hear them

You will start to see them

And then you will start to understand them

Then you will look at them and then they will look back at you

You will love them..

You will hate them..

You will get addicted to them… and with them…

I know this earth looks so quiet to you from where you sit

So far, so beautiful, so seductive..

Hug her..

You haven’t hugged her for a while..

Since I was born..

No, how can I remember..

But you remember..

And she remembers

Come closer to her to feel her love

To know her wildness

To know her cruelty

To know her craziness

To know her rebelliousness

To know her anger

To know her history

In brief, you would have forgiven me

Maybe not..

But at any rate

I’m sending this apology letter

If you get this letter late, that is because I am still looking for the address

The address that I might never find

And that is what is scaring me

Because my life is short here

And I might die before you read my letter

But I know you will eventually read it

One day..

I meant to say, once

You will read it

Forgive me

Your daughter

Another girl from the planet earth