The Dark Pit of Writing Fears

I remember when I first tried to write a novel.

I was in my junior year of high school, a young sprout, taking my first creative writing class.

I had a notebook full of scribblings.

Among those scribblings lay a novel.

I purchased a copy of the (now abandonware) Liquid Story Binder by Black Obelisk Software.

And writing fiction became my obsession.

All the while I struggled with depression.

I had a looming sense of dread that whatever I wrote, I would never be able to publish it because it simply would not be good enough.

Or that my writing would be good enough and yet I would not make it through the slush piles of literary agents.

It turns out, those early attempts to write were pretty much kaput.

Big surprise, right?

Entering The Dark Pit

I became obsessed with reading the blogs of literary agents, and obsessed with finding acclaim for my work fast.

I thought if I could just get my novel written and submitted, then it would find a publisher.

What I should have been focusing on was myself.

I had little perspective back then. I did not realize that writing takes years of practice. Years and years.

I’m still working.

But I finally have a work in progress, in fact 3 works in progress, that do stand a chance in regards to quality of story and writing.

Between then and now, though, I went through a blank period when I stopped writing altogether.

I thought that my writing was worthless because I did not stand a statistical chance at getting an agent.

I had entered my own dark pit. My own darkness.

Your Own Darkness

I want you to do a little exercise with me.

Get out your writing implements of choice, and type or scribble out your own worst fear about your writing.

This may take some digging.

But I want you to dig.

In my case, my own worst fear is: I will never have readers. No one will read my work. That I will die anonymous, not having left a dent in the universe, to paraphrase the late Steve Jobs.

Your worst fear might be the same as mine. It might be different.

And Then Dig More

We’re going deeper into our own darknesses. Don’t worry, you will see why.

What does your worst writing fear tell you about your own worst life fears? I’m not talking spiders or heights. I’m talking about the reason you write. The reason you know, deep down, that you still have work to do.

My greatest life fear is that I will not leave *something* behind, no trace of myself will remain. It’s existential, sure, but for me, real.

I hope you don’t have any fears. But if you’re honest, you probably do.

Scribble those fears down now.

Now crumple up your paper and throw it away.

I’m not going to say face your fears and conquer them. Sometimes that is unattainable.

What I am saying is slightly different.

I am saying acknowledge your fears, and then write — or do what you do — anyway.

Act in the presence of fear. That is bravery.

You may be scared. Let yourself be scared. Acknowledge that you are feeling scared.

But you also have your values.

You value writing.

Or something else.

The important thing is to value what you do, and to let those values guide you through your fears.

I’m not saying your fear will end.

I would be neglectful if I said I know your fears will end.

But that doesn’t have to stop you from acting.

And you know what?

If you acknowledge, truly acknowledge your fear as being present, and you act in the face of it, something wonderful begins to happen.

The fear begins to subside.

That can’t be your goal, but it does happen when you combine acknowledgement with action.

Write in the face of fear.

How have you coped with your worst writing fears?

Share your experiences in the comments, and I look forward to reading and chiming in!

This article was originally posted at The Novel Grimoire blog.

Want to make writing a habit? Think you aren’t committed? Let me prove you wrong. Take the 30 Day Writing Habit Challenge now!