What NOW | Four School Year Resolutions for Parents and Families

Four School Year Resolutions for Parents and Families | Hope Bagley
For students and educators, New Year’s resolutions are set around Labor Day. We have spent the summer resting and reflecting on the past year, and around late August, we set our goals and make plans for the year. The 2016–2017 academic year was particularly challenging for educators, as we saw a visible increase in bigotry and bullying since the presidential election.
It is more important than ever to nurture integrity and compassion in our children. But rather than celebrate with isolated special occasions like Women’s Equality Day or Black History Month, we must make changes to our daily lives to create long-term results. The School Year Resolutions listed below don’t need to wait until the first day of class. Take advantage of the relaxed summer pace while your children are out of school; without all the noise and distractions, you can put your heads together and enact changes to make 2017–2018 a year of achievement, respect, peace, and growth.
School Year Resolution #1: Have a frank discussion of internet and social media use.
Ask yourself and your kids: Who am I connecting with on social media, and why? Many of us scroll through images and posts without acknowledging how we actually feel about them, and then eventually put our phones down, feeling worse for the wear. Many teenagers feel pressured to connect with everyone they have ever met, leaving their photos, thoughts, and online persona vulnerable to near-strangers. They may also follow celebrities or accounts they hoped would inspire joy, but have been disappointed.
The start of a new year is a good time to review social media connections; encourage your child to disconnect from any people or accounts that don’t make them feel smart, confident, and comfortable. That Instagram fitness model may say she’s empowered and that “strong is the new skinny,” but do her pictures really inspire your teen to eat well and enjoy exercise? Or, do her images create feelings of inferiority and hopelessness? The Student Government President may be popular and earn high grades, but he may use misogynistic slang and post memes that make your child uncomfortable. Encouraging kids to eliminate negative influences online is an important lesson in self-care. When adolescents stay connected long after they’ve left their school building, they need those connections to be positive. Anyone who uses social media to belittle others or spread negativity, even supposedly in the name of humor, doesn’t deserve to take space in your child’s mind.
Exploring positive content is just as important as eliminating toxic social media connections, so ask your teen what they are consuming and why. Content behemoths like YouTube, Tumblr, and Reddit can be havens for educational and inspirational content. They can also be black holes of misogyny, bigotry, and abuse, so it’s worth talking to your teen about the pros and cons of a free, open internet. Finally, seek out quality blogs, online magazines, and websites to share with your family, either in an open suggestion or stealthily leaving tabs open on your iPad in the kitchen. Teen Vogue continues to do excellent reporting on current affairs, feminist issues, and even the beauty and fashion tips young girls often crave. Adult women now can all agree that as teenagers, we could have used more articles on consent and diversity, and fewer on what nail polish colors are trendy. Hooking Up and Staying Hooked (H.U.S.H.) is a website aimed at boys, which discusses everything to do with dating, sex, and social awkwardness that they don’t want to ask their parents about. H.U.S.H. aims to put respect, honesty, and kindness back into teenage dating.
School Year Resolution #2: Re-evaluate the extracurricular activities
High school students these days are often over committed, taking on more classes, clubs, activities, and sports than ever before, sometimes getting to school before their first class and not returning home until dinnertime. Then they begin their homework. Before the new year begins, talk about the past year’s activities. Some good questions to ask are: Which activities made you feel good this year? Did any coaches or advisors inspire you or disappoint you? What would you like to focus on? Is there anything to consider dropping? Was the time commitment worth it? If they respond with “I don’t know,” or something equally vague, press them to reflect further. Students should take on extracurriculars because they are passionate about them and they provide a supportive community. Do they really and truly want to spend every weekend from March to July traveling with the baseball team? Do they actually enjoy playing violin? Let them be picky, and continue to remind them of quality over quantity, even on that ever-important college application.
School Year Resolution #3: Make space for one-on-one time between your child and an older female relative.
The typical adolescent experiences females in four ways: peers, teachers, family, and the media. While many of us have had excellent female teachers for mentors, we all know that teen friendships are fraught with peril, and female figures online and in the media are too often white, thin, and rich. There is a gap in our children’s perception of women, and it must be filled by caring, intelligent, independent women. Encourage your kid and one relative to spend time together without the rest of the family. Without a large group to float around in, there is room for your child and the relative to truly connect. They can start by doing an activity together that the child is comfortable with, like shopping or riding bikes. The woman should ask open-ended questions to make the teen comfortable talking, and the teen should ask about their experiences and stories. Both parties should keep their phones out of sight! Besides the obvious benefit of improved family connection, a relationship with an older female relative gives a child a more dynamic view of women as a whole. This relative is not their peer, not their rule-enforcing parent, not a romantic interest, but they are a whole person with value and hard-earned life lessons in their pocket. It will take more than just one afternoon at the beach to create a new relationship, but the rewards for both parties are very much worth the time.
School Year Resolution #4: Don’t equate their youth to yours.
They are living in a different time. This is a trap all parents and teachers have fallen into time and time again. Surely there were many things you would never have said or done when you were their age, and you feel you have loads of wisdom to share, but unfortunately, adolescents don’t care a wink about what high school was like before they were born. Educators get frustrated by endless requests for deadline extensions and extra credit opportunities, two things they never would have dared ask for as students. The truth is, however, students ask because it is normal and realistic in their society. Otherwise, they wouldn’t do it. However, becoming a conscientious adult with integrity, intelligence, and compassion is still important, so don’t lecture; ask your teen about their goals. If you want to give historical perspective, share common goals and expectations of young people in your childhood. How are they different now? What are your specific desires for your life? What habits and activities do you need to adapt to make progress? The next time they screw up, don’t scold them as a twenty-first century creature of arrogance and entitlement. Remind them of their goals and their morals, and explain how they’ve moved further away from them. Laziness and instant gratification addiction have been charms of teenagers for centuries, but so have empathy and dreams of the future, and the future holds more power for teens than the past.
In busy families with more calendars than hours in the day, it is a tall order to instill character into everyday life. But try we must, because daily habits and practices go much further with adolescents than the occasional grand effort. Most teenagers spend more hours at school than with their parents, so it’s critical to curate the school experience carefully. By bringing in more positive messages via female relatives and smart social media, and cutting away the negativity that could be found on the internet and in some extracurriculars, we will help create compassionate young adults who don’t accept hate for themselves or anyone else.

Hope Bagley is a Brooklyn-based high school music teacher and part-time college professor. She takes pride in teaching creativity, critical thinking, and life skills to adolescents and young adults.
