Attention-grabbing heading goes here
I’ve been wrestling with this for a while. It’s been sitting in my drafts, having the occasional comma moved about, but largely ignored. I deleted the original version because it was complete shite, and now I’m writing this instead. I am not impressed with what my brain is throwing out so far. The trouble is, I feel very blah. Depression is a real word-eater, at a time when it would actually be very helpful to express yourself. Instead, I have been forced to express my inner-anguish through the medium of eating biscuits.
I feel very afraid.
I keep tripping over the targets that I should know better than to set for myself. I’m supposed to feel ‘better’ by now, because a fair amount of time has passed, but actually, I can sometimes still hear myself screaming inside my own head. It feels rather other-worldly. I see a counsellor who told me that I have ‘ripped down all the walls, and now I need to rebuild on the firmer foundations I am making.’ As it happens, I feel a little like I’m standing on the pile of rubble which used to be me, wondering what the bloody hell to do with all the bits this time around. I have yet to draw on my extensive lego-building experience.
If this seems without purpose, it had one for me. I managed a spot of self-articulation on a day that my own name seems incomprehensible. I had the same issue when trying to spell it in the first week of primary school.