Bathroom date

Scrolling through dating websites while pooping amuses me to no end. Being able to decline interest or show interest in someone while having a bowel movement is one of the greatest achievements in human history, in my opinion.

“I remember the minute I saw your mother, kids, I was scrolling through Tinder in the bathroom the morning after a late night Taco Bell feast. She wore a dress like fire sauce and her hair like cinnamon twists. I swiped right, we got married shortly after and within months we had two little adorable pinto beans and the rest is history.”