Gross Things that Aren’t

“How many days did you go before administering the enema? It’s been 8 days since the last poo, and he’s miserable! The doctor says it’s normal but it doesn’t seem right does it? Just last month, he was pooing 3 times a day, a little watery but nice and brown and now he just can’t do it!”

Obsessed with Poop

If you’re not cringing and still reading, yep you’re a Mom or Dad. But we’re focused on Moms this week in our ongoing series on women turning into their Mothers overnight.

How much more is there to say about the above conversation? If you’re with another Mom, this will turn into a full on conversation taking up an entire playdate with endless twists and turns, conspiracy theories, experimental solutions and at no time, hilarity. It’s 100% dead serious.

Going Where No Mom has Gone Before

How did this happen? Just months ago before childbirth, the thought of spoiled milk’s odor made your stomach queasy. Now no less than a few times a day, simply for efficiency, you lift your baby and stick her bottom right onto your nose because today’s diapers are industrial at locking in odor to see if there is toxic waste in there. And if you’re still not sure, what better way than to perform a dip test like you’re checking your oil level by sticking your hand down in there hoping for what?!

When we become parents and Moms, we get puked on, pooped on, peed on without batting an eyelash. Yet to be sympathetic parents may be thinking, that’s downright nasty but we get it, these are uncontrollable, entirely gross things that happen when you have a helpless baby.

But what about regurgitation? I’m talking about a Mom that puts food in her mouth, chews it up and just before swallowing, takes it out and shoves in in their baby’s mouth. Let’s face it, that’s 100% voluntary. Okay, so you may say, that’s gross but just for the baby. But wait, this happens both ways!! Baby tries something new, makes that face, he doesn’t like it one bit, there is only one direction this food item is going and it’s not down. You catch it mid fall and because it’s perfectly good food and you’re lucky if you ever get to eat, you pop it into your mouth like it’s an Altoid.

And yet, not once does the thought occur that onlookers may be losing their lunch watching these unthinkable acts of alien behavior. To all you butt smelling, rectal thermometer administering, 3 second rule breaking Moms out there, you’re all heros and an inspiration.

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