Parenting Simulation

Having graduated from uni 4 months ago and been unemployed since then giving me extra time to contemplate about almost everything in life.

There is this one freelance job I took in order to get an income to survive (at least that was my initial intention). The job is to assist school-age kids in studying/doing their homework — just like any other tutoring jobs. I had this one pupil. She is an optimistic girl. And quite bright, too. She was, like, on the top 5 in her class at that time. Though her math skill was not the best but she was able to catch my explanations and she’s had gotten better by the time of the exam. She has an open mind for a girl at her age. She don’t give too much fuss on what’s on trend and whatnot and that’s a good thing. She was firm and tough. Good for her, really.

Anyway, she was in her last year of middle school and was about to go to a high school. She aimed for a relatively high-ranked school in town. But she, umm, didn’t succeed. I immediately felt like a deadbeat. I apologized and tried everything to make it up. I gave her a motivational book by my favorite internet persona, to help her in being a strong, independent woman, no matter what she’s facing today. I still help her with her homework and answer her arbitrary questions. The fact that I feel like I have a sister who look up to me as her adviser is quite incredible. I get to give her my opinion and give her new insights towards the world and life in general.

Thing is, I feel like I’m starting to have an obsession to make her life better. I advised her to aim for a particular major for her post-high-school education when she asked about one. Hypocrisy at its finest, when everybody’s aware that I often rant about how parents should not decide what path their children’s gonna take. I don’t like that part of myself. But now I know that it’s almost undeniable to have such obsession. I guess I can call this a parenting simulation. Tho it’s not going in a good direction.

This is why I think to be a parent is crazy. Well, I’m probably just not ready yet.