How to Meet Your Next Girlfriend on Tinder

I’ve had great success in online dating, and to the surprise of my friends, I find Tinder to be the best source of meaningful relationships. People I talk to about this all want to know the secret to finding quality relationships online, or more specifically how I manage to actually date people from a supposed “hook up app”. The truth is pretty simple.

First, and this is huge, don’t be creepy.

Second, be first.

On Not Being Creepy

For guys, what’s creepy and what isn’t can be a huge mystery. I’ve had friends that were totally amazing in real life, but when they showed me what kind of messages they were sending to their matches, I was taken aback. Crude jokes, statements of them throwing themselves at a stranger, validation seeking behavior, or just feeble attempts at “pick up artist game” taken from the internet. None of this is good.

The easiest way I can advise to not be creepy is to take stock in yourself while not becoming totally self-absorbed. You should take extra care to develop your fitness level, watch your diet, read some books, advance your career. But you should also put other people first, and go out of your way to show that you care and respect others. More importantly than doing is actually having those values and beliefs. You have to care. And once you show that you’re a positive force in your environment, life, and community, people will see how not-creepy you actually are.

Being First

One time I visited a friend in San Diego and he introduced me to his girlfriend, left me at her place, and went to go finish working on a project that was nearing a due date. I asked her how they met, and she said on OkCupid. And that she messaged him. She said he was the first person to visit her profile, and after they met, she deleted her account.

I asked my most recent serious girlfriend why she gave me a chance. And she replied that I was the first person she met on Tinder after her divorce.

I asked a date who had turned into a friend why she had decided to meet me and she said it was because I was the first guy who was actually a gentleman to her.

My takeaway is this: you have to be first in something. Be the first person to match her (via Tinder Boost). If you can’t be her first match, be the first person to make her laugh. Be the first person to ask her out on a date, and the first to ask for her number. Be the first person to treat her with respect, and the first to not send her unwanted photos. Be the first person to listen, and the first person to care.

I read a book once called The Soulmate Experience, at the advice of a lifestyle blogger. My takeaway was that we all think we just need to find our Soulmate that will take us for who we are. But in reality we have to be a soulmate; we have to become the person that our ideal mate is looking for, and it has to be authentic.

If we give ourselves, compromise, communicate, and show respect, we will get all of those things back in the form of an honest and healthy relationship. And that can come from everywhere, including Tinder. Try it and see.

Originally published at on August 29, 2017.