Bertie and Brexit (with apologies to PG Woodhouse)
I woke up from a blissful slumber on a sunny Thursday morning. The weather has been pleasant lately, birds were chirping in the trees and the bees were buzzing about doing whatever they do while they buzz. Just the day for a pleasant outing of Golf followed by a rollicking evening at the Drones with kindred souls.
Jeeves appeared with the cheerful morning cuppa and opened the curtains to let the sun in.
I remarked cheerily “Promises to be a corker of a day!” He peered out and said “Yes, Sir, decidedly salubrious for the voting.’
I was perplexed, “Voting, I did not know that elections were on?”
Jeeves “No sir, referendum for Brexit. Today is voting day.”
I pondered over the strange word Brexit and could not figure out what it meant, unless he was mispronouncing breakfast, which was unlikely. I asked “Jeeves, what in heavens is Brexit, Is it is a new breakfast cereal from Kellogg?”
Jeeves “No Sir, The British public are voting where to remain in Europe or leave today. You may also like to exercise your option.”
I was foxed. Remain in Europe? I countered “Jeeves, do not talk in riddles. We all know that perfidious Albion is an island and was never in Europe. I even read in history that old Boney was confused on that account and sent his navy to conquer us. Good old Horatio licked him in battle in Trafalgar Square and earned his monument. Now you are asking me to vote whether we should remain? “
Jeeves, “No Sir, Britain is in economic union with Europe with free trade and movement of people across members. The vote is on whether to continue with the arrangement or not.”
That was a tricky one. I decided to seek help “Jeeves, what do you think, should we stay or go?”
Jeeves pondered over my question thought for a long time. I could visualize his ample grey cells whirring away and working overtime.
He replied “Sir, the issue is far from clear cut. If we leave, there could be economic slowdown, the pound could fall, City might lose its primacy in banking and there could be short term disruptions. The Scots might leave Britain. On the other hand remaining in might mean Britain has to get more and more integrated with continental practices, have more immigrants and less freedom in economic issues.”
I asked “What do you propose to do?”
Jeeves “There is a fair amount of betting going on the outcome. I have put a fiver as a flutter on exiting. I am voting for leaving.”
I wondered what I should do. I would not be too sad to see Scots leave, never thought much of them anyway!
If we get integrated with Continental practice, did it mean the end of good old English breakfast: cereal, Ham and eggs, toast, butter marmalade, honey and coffee? Will I be condemned to the measly continental breakfast- fruit juice, a skimpy roll, butter and watery coffee?
The mind boggled violently. I knew the answer. Some things were too precious to give up, like English breakfast and tea and crumpets.
My vote was for leaving or what-do- you- call-it, Brexit?