How ego kills the relationships

nimra shehzadi
Feb 22, 2017 · 5 min read

Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.”

— Anthony Robbins

When a person comes in life, firstly he communicates or connect with other human beings and in different ways because of all the human beings and in different ways. As a baby comes in this world, opens his eyes and perceive the world in different ways. He sees a lot of relations which are surrounded by him, and they show affection towards him. As a result of a baby only smiles in response. As baby grows gradually he understands the relationships which are attached to him, he inclines towards that relationships and makes expectation from them. After acceptance, affection comes in a relationship that’s a natural thing. A child seeks from the environment that how to build relationships, what are the factors which strong the relationships. It’s a responsibility of the parents to gain inside in their children all these factors like;

Accept and give importance to others: it is one of the biggest challenges that we see in relationships. As every human is different from others and their opinions are also differ. It is very difficult to accept the point of views of other and make a compromise on them. If you don’t do so, it kills the relationships. Self-respect is very important for all, if you give importance to others, properly attend them and show affection, they notice it and such things matter a lot for others. This attitude strangers your relationship.

Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is the attitude.”

– William James

We should have the ability to listen to others effectively besides only speaking. Listening and understanding is the most important part of the successful interaction. We should value the other’s thinking if they right then accept them and if they are wrong then correct them.

“Assumptions are the termites of relationships.”

— Henry Winkler

Giving time to people is a huge gift, in a world where time is the essence; mostly we have no time to give to our loved ones, being present in time you give time to people is a great blessing. When you truly attend someone not thinking about the past, not worrying about the future, just focus on someone, such connection makes strong relationships.

You must have the ability to communicate others and to attend others in your conversation. So that people properly attend you, listen to you effectively and don’t make assumptions without listening. Effective communication skills have a great impact on your personality.

People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.”

— Joseph F. Newton Men

Nothing will kill a relationship (even the best of relationships) more quickly than ego. Here are ways your ego can kill your relationship, and how to avoid having your ego ruin your relationship.

Think about the number of times you’ve fought with a significant other and whenever things get a little heated you start to defend yourself. All you hear is you being attacked, and you immediately go into “defending yourself” mode. Do you know that when you defend yourself in a fight, what’s really happening is your ego is defending itself?

In order to truly love someone, you must separate your ego from yourself. This is also true if you want to be able to totally love yourself. Now, I know that in a perfect world, we would never be ego-driven. This is not a perfect world of course, so let’s get real. We are all ego-driven to some extent or another, so let’s acknowledge it and embrace that we need to separate the ego to cultivate and maintain a truly amazing relationship with someone.

Your Ego Can Ruin Any Conversation: Most often, we let our pride or ego to take over the conversation. We think that we are already smart enough to even listen to other people. We think that we are better than other people and feel we have nothing more to learn from them. When we close ourselves and stop listening to other people, we are doomed because we stop learning. To eliminate this listening barrier, you have to be more open-minded to listen and learn from other people. Remember that you do not have to agree with everything, but it is helpful if you at least, listen to what they have to say.

I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.”

– Ernest Hemingway

It pushes people away from you

It stops you from growing.

It blocks love from coming into your life.

It kills your happiness.

It makes you critical and irrational.

Gaining control of your ego is the best thing that you can do for yourself or else it will continue getting in the way of your relationships, your career, and your life.

One big myth is that time heals all wounds. It does not. Repeat after me: TIME DOES NOT HEAL ALL WOUNDS. Time does NOT heal the wound of loss.

Unresolved loss can result in the inability to establish new relationships, be fully present in our current relationship, end relationships or move on when the time is right. When we have unresolved losses, our life scope becomes narrower. We think we can’t trust others to not hurt us. We are nervous about loving again. This comes from not being able to trust ourselves to handle a possible loss.

Unresolved loss can affect people in many ways from excessive use of drugs to depression and chronic illness to just being fearful about everyone and everything. As a therapist, working with grieving clients became my mission in life.

Welcome loss as an opportunity to heal that in you which needs to be healed. All the unresolved loss, all the unrequited love, all of the abandonment…use this as a time to heal all of it so that you may open, one day, to full and lasting love.