Confidence
- Not arrogance
For as long as I can remember I’ve never lacked confidence, and while my confidence has never led me to thinking I was better than anyone, most people have mistaken it for arrogance. Confidence and arrogance are so vastly different but from the outside, they sometimes seem similar, so I was never really bothered by external perceptions of my confidence.
My belief has always been, if someone thinks I hold myself like I am better than them (based on standards or values I have for myself), then they are welcome to have that opinion. Controlling whether people see me as confident or arrogant is not something I can do. Fact is, I do not think I’m better than them, they do.
But lately I’ve been thinking a lot about it. Why do we not have a proper understanding of confidence and arrogance? I guess it’s because the line between the two has been erased as if by some magic eraser, and the two go together these days. But really, how could they go together? I mean –
Confidence is believing you’re good enough. Arrogance is believing everyone else isn’t.
There’s nothing wrong with believing in yourself. As a matter of fact, I genuinely believe the world would be slightly better if everyone was self-assured. The fact that this isn’t the case, when someone with unwavering self-confidence comes along, it’s misconstrued as a lack of humility. Or when someone is trying to gain confidence, they start by finding ways they are better than others, rather than just focusing on themselves.
While I’ve stated there’s nothing wrong with self belief, there’s everything wrong with believing everyone else does not measure up to you. When your self-worth is solely dependent on thinking less of other people, you find yourself focusing on people’s shortcomings or flaws to feel confident. When there are no flaws to find, you find other ways to put them down, so you stand above.
You know what’s ironic? Arrogance is actually a byproduct of insecurity. Arrogant people usually try to mask insecurities they have by convincing themselves and others they are worth more than they really are. Confident people are the exact opposite, they fully accept their shortcomings and although they might appreciate external validation, they do not feel the need to convince anyone of their worth.
Going back to the line I said has been erased. With a bit of introspection, we can all play a part in redrawing it. So when next you are feeling confident about yourself, take a minute to examine if that confidence comes from believing others are beneath you. If the answer is yes, then it’s arrogance and you should probably hold yourself accountable. If no, then spread that confidence like wings and fly away.
