Random

I’m having one of these lonely moments. Surrounded by so many people yet still feel empty. Sometimes I feel the idea of friendship is overrated, today is not one of those days. Wait a minute.. Who can I call to boldly ask to come over? Who? Albeit it is a price I am paying for peace of mind. Could it be this photo I saw on facebook? My university coursemates who were posted to Ogun and Oyo had a get-together without me. I mean, we’re 8 here, and 7 of them all together. Is it that bad now? At least invite me so I can say no. I’m not that anti-social, been checking up on all of them occasionally. Does it have to be daily check-ups? Is there a group chat I’m not aware of? What is going on? It’s getting to a "plea" now. I shouldn’t be this worried.. I’m never this worried, not about emotional attachments, but famm.. These. Are. My. Colleagues. I spent four years with them, the set of people I guess I would be so free around. No, I’m not crying. I’m out here claiming friendships I’m not a part of. How did it get this bad? I remember when I won a bet of cake and moi moi by going to talk to the new girl in my school, yet now I can’t say hello. I don’t think I’ll fix this, I’ll get over the photo eventually. I pray I get a job as soon as possible. I need to belong somewhere, I need a blanket to hide under, I need a group of people to feel among with.
Moments like this I miss Tinu, she was the closest thing to a real Anita. It makes me wonder, how did it happen? How did we get so close? How did we get to tell each other everything? Is it because she never had friends too? I think that’s it. She was almost as lonely as I was (or so I think). It just happened, we just clicked. Can it happen again? Does it mean I need to find someone as introverted as I am? How do I get to do that? Everyone always seem extroverted.
My strategy of overcoming this feeling is think of all the beautiful people I’ve come across, but now, all going through my mind is if they even do know me.