We need to pull apart “anger” into two. First, the physiological state of anger: the coursing feeling of your blood boil, the adrenaline rush, the dampness of sweat on your skin. Second, the expression of anger, which can be manifested in a number of ways. There are unhealthy expressions of lashing out, violence, screaming… when the anger controls the person. But the powerful energy of anger can be channeled in productive ways, which is what Maria’s article enumerates (and I tend to agree). What we do in the pause between #1 (feeling the anger) and #2 (expressing the anger) is how we transcend into compassion.

As women (dare I say people), we often deny ourselves the permission to feel anger. We’ve placed a judgement on this normal emotional experience and feel ashamed when something angers us. Feeling anger is a good, healthy thing. It is our intuition speaking to us, albeit in cryptic ways. To sit and meditate on why one feels anger reveals so much about ourselves. Honor what you are feeling: accept the feeling, examine it from many angles, process it, and let the anger go.

Learn from your anger so you can express it well. Yes, I’ll always favor a calm, level-headed expression of anger over some petulant explosion that you’ll likely regret later. But if I am faced with a persistent person who just can’t take no for an answer, I’ll lose my temper and I promise you I won’t regret it later. There’s a place for the whole spectrum of experience, if doled out judiciously.

We are all in this human experience together and anger exists for a reason. If anger comes knocking on your door, invite it in for tea. I bet the conversation will lead to topics of love.