I Remember

What was it like, after, when we went to see Luca’s mom.

I remember getting the phone call from a friend - not knowing what to feel, or what to believe, as I sat in my dirty silver wagon outside Whole Foods. It was unusually hot and I couldn’t forgot how to start the ignition, it was stuffy. Maybe anger at a loss for something that wasn’t where it was supposed to be.

I remember punching the dashboard and steering wheel knowing that I was supposed to be crying. Articulation was never a strong point, knuckles were cherried.

It was October and Luca was just a few weeks shy of 22. We would celebrate his birthday.

I remember going to see Luca’s mom with Jonathan and Ben. She wrapped us in her arms and she was smiling. She was happy, I think, because we reminded her of a time when he was.

I remember remembering it all with her. We didn’t move for a long time — we recounted the years of the same four kids in the same one band with ten different names. The skateboarding and the board games, the lunchable thieveries, soccer games, concerts, jam sessions, songwriting sessions, and track meets.The not-PC-at-all Halloween costumes.

Today, Luca would be 24.