10 Ways Our Beliefs Support Prostitution Culture
Think you can’t change the world how it is today? If you we’re lucky to be born in a culture where things are so well that you know how to read this text on a computer, you have power and wealth to make a massive difference in this world.
For a long time, I felt helpless, there seemed to be so much going on in the world. I seemed to have so little power over things.
Then I started to learn about transpersonal psychology and saw how collective fields, our shared consciousness is created. Do you know what a collective field consists of?
Yes, you got it right: individuals.
The same way old collective beliefs were created, we can create new ones. The same way shame and prejudice is formed, we can choose to change our thinking, our ways of behaving. One person at a time, we change our society towars love: one person inspiring another, that person again inspiring some others.
We create a change by really knowing ourselves, what our love asks us to do. We make a difference by contributing to what we feel passionate about. But this needs to come from a genuine place, not wanting to please others, play the heroes or be seen as an altruistic healers of our community. There needs to be genuine cause, from your heart.
I feel passionate about creating a world where shame does not conduct our intimate lives. I feel passionate about shanging rape culture into intimacy culture, healing shaming into empowerment, objectification into subjectification. I want to create choice.
And I want to know how much more wellbeing there can be when we don’t buy pleasure in its different forms but provide pleasure to each other.
Love making can really create more love into this world.
Today I saw a video of former whore Sonia Sánches in TED Ex Tigre. I cried throughout her talk. I wanted to write to honour this fierce woman.
How is prostitution culture supported by our beliefs and actions?
Here’s ten ways I came up with:
1. We use more time to build up our appearance, than our capability to deep intimacy. We use more money and time on six packs, diets, breast enlargements, hair, lips or nails than our socially developmental actions, wisdom and emotional intelligence. Making yourself into a handsome/pretty object and viewing others as objects without feelings, history or undesirable character traits re-enforces the belief that body is a separate, mindless piece of meat that can be used, sculpted to perfection and, ultimately, sold.
2. Having indirect or misleading communication around sexuality. Rape becomes “stealthing” or whore becomes “a masseur”. By using more indescriptive language or making something more glamourous, we get to think it’s not what it really is. Or simply, sexuality can not be talked about unless it happens in an indirect, hinting way, like “let’t talk about bees and honey”.
3. Pleasure negativity. We talk about condoms and pregnancies, but not love and pleasure. Especially yound adults’ sex education needs to become love centered and pleasure positive, encouraging people to nurture, respect and soothe each other. We need to stop shaming adolescent sexuality and encourage taking care of another human being’s safety, boundaries and wellbeing.
4. Body shaming and taming. By believing that our body indicates our value in the society, we can’t but help objectify and value others by the same standards. If we’re objects, we’re also separate from other people (=objects). We don’t have anything to do with others as we’re not connected to ourselves, which is a prerequisite for feeling connected to anything in this physical world. An object is not in contact with a collective field, thus making it possible to genuinely believe in thoughts like “those whores out there, who have nothing to do with me”.
5. We are so eager to accommodate to the social norm that it’s more socially accetable to be for sale than create our own destiny. By taking money for something we don’t want to do, we’re selling…what exactly? Let’s look at the dynamics behind our actions: if we’re doing something against our genuine will in exhange to get money. So, we’re for sale. If it’s so ok to sell your whole life for money, why wouldn’t it be ok to sell a body, it’s “just” a body, right?
6. Telling ourselves positive thinking is going to change the world. Positive thinking alone has not exactly stopped war and violence in the world. By avoiding painful, shameful areas of life, we are passively allowing human society to enslave, torture and kill people who do not have a choice. By telling ourselves that everyone has an equal opportunity is a well meaning western illusion. By accepting and making peace with ourselves; our insecurities, judgement, shadows, aggression, and with our family we can contribute to peace. Stop the war inside and you have contributed one drop to stopping the war in the world. When we’re well enough in our lives, we will find a way to help society too.
7. By seeing (romantic) relationships as a game. By applying ideas of a linear, goal oriented scarcity thinking, we apply “the winner takes it all” kind of thinking into our relationships. If a relationship is a business affair, again we believe everything is for sale, everything has a price. In the world of porn, whores and other means serving our hedonist tendencies, the only human value is an object value. By dating or befriending someone because you calculate the benefits, we indirectly perpetuate a world of whoring.
8. We think disconnection from our bodies is not a big deal. By spending most of the time connected to a laptop, phone or other electronic device is a sure way to disconnect from the body. By disconnecting we avoid feeling emotions, bodily pain and sensations of simple pleasure. Also, there’s less ability to feel emotions, which manifest as bodily sensations. If we can’t feel our bodies and connect to our emotions, also empathy towards another being becomes difficult. Without empathy, we don’t care about others’ suffering.
9. Compromised intimacy. By relating mostly via chats/messages doesn’t allow us to see the other person’s reactions and get away with more cruelty than we would use if we were facing that person. If we cut ourselves from a real life human contact, we don’t get used to intimacy. Again, the less we have intimacy, the more possible it is to see other humans as simple sources of gratification and fast tracks to pleasure.
10. We need to keep sex hidden and sexual energy supressed. Let’s learn to talk about sex like it did belong into nearly every adult’s life as a natural thing. Let’s stop following magazines and other media that shames people, or treats us as objects. Let’s do our psycho-emotional work that melts sexual shame, obsession and compulsion around sexuality. If you have been sexually assaulted, don’t be silenced.
Silence creates shame, shame creates supression, supression creates tension, tension creates compulsion, obsession and aggression. The energy always finds a way to come out. You have a choice.
Speak up, share, discuss, heal. You have a voice, and it counts.
Stop violence against yourself and others.